Top 10 Ways Wives Destroy our Marriages…
21. Frequently talk about how you want a bigger this or that…or more of such and so…
20. Roll the eyes, purse the lips, and scowl while shaking the head when he speaks.
19. Keep your ideas and thoughts to yourself, even if he asks.
18. Treat him like a child (“I’ve got 3 kids, and one of them is my husband!” L It’s not funny.)
17. Interrupt him when he’s speaking.
16. Crab about his mother.
15. Let him be surprised about problems with the kids (or other things) instead of telling him what’s going on.
14. Rarely ask his advice about anything.
13. Seldom ask him what we can do for him that would be helpful.
12. Never just sit with him, as his friend, while he completes a task.
11. Never tell him, “thank you,” for doing what he does every day, even if it’s “just” going to work.
10. Act like a princess and expect everyone around you to treat you like one.
9. Think everything is about us. It’s just not.
8. Put our husbands second or third in the hierarchy…which should read, btw,
- Other things or people
7. Complain about our husband to other women.
6. Hang out with other women (or watch them on TV) who complain about their husbands or men in general.
5. Think “respect” is something our man should “earn” (but that’s a worldly perspective, not a holy one).
4. Think marriage should make us happy, instead of holy.
3. Want what someone else has, instead of what God’s decided our family should have.
2. Pursue all sorts of things (and people) other than our relationship with God.
1. Be critical when speaking to him – especially in front of others.
Yes, I can count. Yes, the list sort of took on a life of its own.
No, I didn’t forget one – I was saving it:
Seldom instigate intimacy or when you do participate, be bored instead of fully engaged.
Never bring him a cookie or a sandwich…
K, I’m done now. These are just a few of them…my guess is you have a few more to add? Feel free!
Dare you to comment with your ideas! 🙂
Remind him of past mistakes. Never let him forget what he’s done in the past tbat hurt you.
When I was first reeling from the shock of discovering I had NOT been coming across respectfully toward my husband for most of our 15 years of marriage, it was lists like these that really helped me begin to get an understanding of what respect looks like and what disrespect looks like to a husband. I NEEDED as many practical examples of both disrespect and respect as possible because I just didn’t get it. I wanted to understand! So THANK YOU for posting lists that help wives see in detail how to and how not to show respect for our husbands. I know that each husband has his own definition of respect and we need to be students of our own husbands’ preferences, but these kinds of lists gave me a starting point when I was desperately searching for how to honor God by respecting my husband. There is such a famine of respect in our culture, I needed quite a lot of help! THANK YOU for what you are doing!
PS – I do understand how wives feel angry about the concept of giving respec to their husbands. But here’s the deal. God designed husbands to need respect primarily, and He designed wives to need love primarily. So when a wife feels loved, she is at her best in marriage and motivated to be the best wife she can be. And when a husband feels respected, he is motivated to be the best possible man he can be. That’s the way we were designed.
For 15 years, I didn’t really get that. I kept trying to give my husband love and things were NOT working well. I was also controlling and disrespectful in many ways (but never purposely). I was stressed, overwhelmed, worried, anxious and LONELY. My husband was passive and unplugged. It was NOT the marriage I had always wanted.
When I began to realize what was missing – respect for my husband, and me getting out of the way to let him be the leader God designed him to be – MIRACLES BEGAN TO HAPPEN.
I began to have peace all the time. My husband blossomed into a strong, godly leader. Our marriage became the marriage of our dreams. I feel adored, cherished, loved, cared for, protected and totally satisfied in our amazing marriage now. My husband is so happy in our marriage that he actually writes blogs for marriage as the Respected Husband.
So, ladies, before you decide not to even consider respect – please look at my own example and see that IT WORKS! AND, I have become the woman I have always longed to be! I am no longer critical, negative, nagging, bossy, controlling, worried and upset all the time. I am SO THANKFUL for God showing me the concept of respect. It has revolutionized our marriage!
Our pastor recently completed a series on marriage and family and this fits right along with what he said. I am trying to figure out what part of it is “sexist” (?) Actually, I try to follow these “rules” and I am thankful each day for my wonderful husband. We share our thoughts, our feelings, our happiness and yes, even our anger. We agree to disagree. We do treat each other as important, individual, God-created people, worthy of each others’ love. I am lucky to have a husband that will just walk into the kitchen and start drying dishes, or even do them without saying anything to me, when I am playing games on Facebook after a long day at work. (we both work) I appreciate those acts of kindness, as he appreciates, seriously, when I bring him a bowl of cookies while he watches football. Just last night, after a busy day where we were each doing different tasks around the house, he stepped away from the TV to come into the kitchen to sit with me, just to be with me. You don’t get that by having an attitude, or through demands. You get it by giving. In giving you shall recieve. How sad it is to think that there are people out there that consider kindness and selflessless “sexist”?
Oh, Polarbaus…if I weren’t one of those women before I knew Jesus…
His ways are so not our ways… and unfortunately, I remember being angry at the word, “submission,” the hairs on the back of my neck literally would stand up…
All in His timing…
Thankful His Word is timeless.
Love to you,
God’s way is soooo much different than the world’s way, huh? Five years ago- shoot, who am I kidding- Last year, I would have been so offended by this post. And I was raised in church. Now, Thank the Lord, I’m beginning to see things from his perspective. His way is best!
So glad you weren’t offended! 🙂 I typically don’t write via sarcastic methods, but like Proverbs, sometimes that’s all people can hear, so I only do it when led.
And for what it’s worth… I know what it’s like to be offended by someone telling me I need to respect my husband – even if it IS in the Bible… and I know now what that really means, why it matters, and how it applies to His walk of grace… through us…
Love to you,
Reblogged this on the respect dare … by nina roesner and commented:
I should probably retitle this one. It kind of got away from me.
Thank you for this awesome list. It’s so true and I love the comment about treating your husband a king if you want to be treated like a queen. Although, I don’t think that should be our motivation for treating him like a king. God placed man to be the head of the home and the Bible calls wives to respect and submit to our husbands. Build them up – God will judge them heavily for what occurs in the home and they have so much on their shoulders.
Another way we destroy our marriage is not something we do, but rather something we don’t do. We destroy our marriage when we don’t pray for our husbands.
This was great! Will there be a top 10 for husbands??
This is absolutely ridiculous. This list is terribly sexist. Marriage should be about equality- an equal partner ship. Yes, women shouldn’t expect to be worshipped and treated like a princess, but neither should men. This is an insult to working mothers, and quite frankly, to women everywhere.
Oh, a marriage is destined for failure if I never bring him a sandwich/cookie.
It’s called being nice. I know many men who have left their wives for women that would be considered lesser ( not as good looking, or older, or of less means, etc). I have asked them why they would be with a woman that IMO appeared to be less of a catch. The response is EVERY SINGLE TIME: ” She actually listens to me when I need to talk and seems to actually care.”
Its not sexist. It does not say that wives are less than. Its about having a servants heart, and the sandwich/cookie was humor…you know the stereotype than men want a sandwich after sex? I believe that this where many social problems stem from. This notion that we are the same/equal. Man is not the same or equal to Woman nor is Woman the same or equal to Man. This is not bad or sexist to state that two obviously different things are in fact different. Men and woman are like apples and oranges. Both fruit, but very different (or not equal)It is the way we were created. So that when joined in marriage each of us gives and receives. The most important of the two being GIVE. Just my view.
I often bring my husband cookies…and cheese and pretzels. He brings me chocolate cookie dough frozen yogurt. He stops to pick up my favorite dressing when he works near the only place that sells it. (without me asking for it). If you do more for others, they will do more for you, and it really makes you feel good. You should try it!
A simple principle of life. You get what you give.
If you want a friend, act friendly.
If you want respect, act respectfully.
If you want your husband to treat you like a queen, treat him like a king.
You are a typical idiot! You only see the list as not making some demand for equality. Nothing in that list said that the husband doesn’t have a responsibility to do the same! The topic of conversation is about wives in this thread! You are just angry that your bad attitude is being called out! And you probably wonder why you are alone.
You are just a stranger on the Internet. You don’t know anything about me or my life, nor do I yours. It’s easy to pass judgement. You don’t know if I am married, or a teenager, or an old man. I also don’t know if you a simple minded, right- winged nut case, sitting in your mom’s basement, or just an opinionated moron with Internet access. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. It’s ok to disagree. I am also not saying that women shouldn’t be nice to their husband or listen, I just don’t think men should rule over their wives in this modern age. I think we should view men and women as people. No different from us. The problems begin when you start to make generalizations about gender and their respective roles. It’s 2012. Both women and men shouldn’t be confined to the stereotypes society has placed on them.
I could also make a generalization about how you, presumably a man, are the only person in this comment section who didn’t respond rationally to mine. Everyone else (who happened to be women) responded kindly and respectfully. They didn’t assert their opinion as fact, and they remained civil to those who believe differently. But I won’t go any further than that.
Complain about his kids frequently (even if they are your own as well. Don’t bother getting hair and makeup done just for him to see…
I love it. And I also believe that there are women who are thinking romantic movies is how we should view what our husbands should behave like. I was guilty of thinking that in the past.
Twenty two years of my first marriage to learn lessons that taught me so much in order for me to realize the wife I was then, to the wife I am now with my second husband and realize the do’s and don’ts. I am far from perfect, but striving to be the best I can every moment. And feel so blessed when my husband tells me out of the blue here and there, “I thought of you just now and wanted to say, thank you for taking such good care of me each day.” Now that is what I call the cherry on top!
Thank you for pointing those out and I shared it on my wall. I can only hope that my friends out there see what they need to do to improve in their relationship with their own husband.
You are most appreciated!
All so true….I can’t think of a single thing to add.
Fill your head with nonsense you saw in some silly Hollywood gossip magazine or T.V. show instead of the Bible so that when your husband needs your help and direction on something he asks you about, you don’t have a clue!
My husband just preached two sermons out of Ephesians entitled “How to raise a good husband”. 🙂
Also, do not use sex as a form of manipulation to either get what you want from your husband, or as a form of punishment towards your husband (vengance). A man is not sex crazed, his biology is designed by God, and a man does require sex every two or three days (medical fact). Otherwise, you can hurt your husband’s pride and self worth, not too mention decrease his own life expectancy and increase his susceptibility to various ailments.
Here are a few more I’ve found to be true – don’t stop what you’re doing when he talks to you, belittle his fears, take the blanket he likes instead of giving it to him (or, better yet – instead of snuggling with him under it).
By the way – I ESPECIALLY loved your number 4.
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