Strong Women…
Have you ever done something to receive acknowledgement from others and had your husband be a little resentful? Or a lot?
Ever wonder why?
It’s possible that while you are a put-together, “I can do it” girl, in the midst of your strength and independence, he’s become to feel unnecessary and worse yet, intimidated by you.
Yes, you.
Consider this passage, especially if you are a “strong” woman (and today, that means nearly all of us who have thrived in corporate America…):
2 Corinthians 12:10 NIV
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Would you rather have your husband saying, “Great! Good for you!” while thinking, “How am I ever going to compete with THAT?” or “She’s so great, can do so many things, I’m not necessary in her life at all…” OR would you rather have him saying, “Great! Good for you!” while thinking, “I’m so blessed to have her for my wife! That amazing woman needs MY help and advice. I can’t believe how much she values ME – I’m so glad to have contributed to her success!”
My husband and I are each other’s number one fans. I’m not incompetent, nor am I stupid, but he and I are supposed to be a team. I could manage my little “department” of home and family pretty well without his help, most of the time, even though I deal with a chronic pain issue and disability. And I’m not a whiney needy girl, either. But the absolute LAST thing I want him (or anyone else, for that matter) to think is that I don’t need him.
If God wanted me to do it all on my own, I’d been able to have children without his help…right? Do the math on that one! And, I’ve learned over the years that my husband sees things I just don’t. So his input is incredibly valuable – without it, I’m operating in one of those, “I don’t know what I don’t know” modes.
Which short-changes my family. And me. And our marriage.
I will be honest with you – I have bought that lie about not needing his help in the past, especially when exhausted, and it’s led me by the nose through the “He’s not doing anything, I have to do it all!” business – but what I didn’t know then that I know now is that those thoughts are a reflection of two things: 1) I am buying a lie, and 2) God is doing something with my husband and I need to stay out of His way – by being encouraging and supportive and praying for him.
Dare you to build him up, regardless of his behavior…because it never has been about that. Marriage is about Christ and the church – check Ephesians 5. It’s all about God’s glory.
It always has been.
Double dog dare you to share, comment, or subscribe and be on the journey with us.
So glad to see you!
~Nina
That’s a great insight, DeLynn. I am loving the comment you made, Nina, that we need to stay out of God’s way when he’s working on our husbands…
I’m often trying to control and take charge of a situation (try to fix it) or say, “why didn’t you do it this way?” My husband, I have to admit, says this makes him feel small and disrespected in front of our boys. Ouch! I really need to be less critical and more trusting of his ability and judgement. When I do this (try to control) he calls it my “Single Mom” mode (which I was when we met 21 years ago).
It’s every woman’s struggle, gorgeous! Good for you for being humble and choosing to change – God’s power within us is the only way to overcome these tendancies!