Okay, so just when you think you might actually know what you are doing… (Pride comes before the fall, right? J Sometimes it’s just being human that can trip you up!)
I had to apologize to my class – every single one of them. Normally, when the gals in The Respect Dare E-Course turn in their homework on Thursday, I review it throughout the day, over the weekend, etc., and I get back to them the day or the day after they turn it in.
Thursday came and went.
So did Friday…and Saturday…and Sunday…and part of Monday.
And I couldn’t say anything until Monday night. Reflecting on my days in corporate America, I viewed my inconsiderate behavior as unacceptable. People paid to be in the class. Our ministry had standards. I didn’t keep them. Sigh. So what happened and what did I do? I needed to come clean.
What happened was simply this: I got my knickers in a knot over something stupid with my hub on Thursday night, and it nearly completely derailed my ability to serve. I should know by now that that crafty ‘other guy’ has thousands of years of study on human behavior and I shouldn’t have fallen for his lies, but I did. Hook, line, and sinker, I fell. I bought everything he was selling. And yes, my selfish nature also kicked in and I had a good old fashioned pity party over a miscommunication with a guy who only notices the sun rising and setting when I’m around because he says he sees the world as more beautiful because I’m in it. And I stayed ticked at him anyway… For three days. UGH.
To say I was acting immature would be an understatement. Ever wish someone would just duct-tape your mouth? I think I about bit my lips in half, trying to keep my mouth shut.
And I couldn’t serve, couldn’t worship, and nearly couldn’t function as a result.
And after I had talked with God and STILL couldn’t get out of my self-induced funk, I called one of my mentors, a gal who is over 7 decades old, and someone I am thankful to call my dear friend. And she’s stayed married to a man who has broken her heart more times than she can count due to abuse, affairs, addictions…well, that’s just to name a few. They’ve been married nearly forever and have about a bazillion grandkids. And she’ll tell you today that there were hundreds of times she nearly threw in the towel. Matter of fact, she reminded me of that again recently. AND, she also told me that she’s glad now that she stuck it out – because she clearly sees now what God did in both of their lives.
And things are good in her marriage finally – And have been for years. I frequently tell her, “It’s really good to be YOU right now!” and, “Are you sure that’s your husband that did ________ (insert latest wonderful and considerate thing here)?” Just because he is so different than he used to be!
She tells me she likes to look back and see what God did. She actually likes reflecting on how rotten things were because that time is now past and she can see the blessings in her life now as a result – and she doesn’t know if she would have otherwise. WOW.
I had to consider what God wanted, what I had done to make things worse (acting 5 was a huge part of that), and apologized to Him and to them for being silent over the weekend and not getting to the class. I told them what I had done and that I was really sorry.
And, as a result of my human-ness, I reminded them that they are always welcome in the course – just as they are. (I was secretly hoping that they’d forgive me) I’m certainly not any better than they are, and while I teach classes, do retreats and have written a book on demonstrating respect and being good at being married, I am still on the same journey they are, figuring out marriage with this guy I’ve been legally tied to for 20 years this summer, doing it day by day as God raises the bar. And sometimes I make it over, and sometimes, like this weekend, I fall flat on my face.
Because we always have a few folks who start and fizzle out of the class, or just lurk, I encouraged them that if they’ve been out for a while, to come back. If they were just lurking, I encouraged them to join in. If they felt bad because they’d only done 4 dares of the nearly 20 the class had finished, to give themselves some grace and just jump right in. No judgment. Just grace from us – And welcoming arms upon their return. I even told them how to get their login again from the http://www.GreaterImpact.org website. (I think I’m probably not the only one who has registered for something and then forgotten how to login again!)
And you know what? I felt better. The Father has us repent of our sins because it makes US feel better(and don’t be concerned about my theology, I totally get how Holy and Perfect He is – and how far away from that we all are!). I had started the whole process by thinking I needed to apologize in order to do something for them, and maybe that is still true, but at the end of it all, I felt so much better I wanted to blog about it. Jesus gives us a gift of abundant life. We just need to accept it, embrace it, pursue relationship with Him, and oh yeah, repent – it does wonders for the soul, for all our other relationships and creates the connection with Him.
Speaking of which, I need to go talk to my hub about a certain little misunderstanding we had Thursday night. ♥ There’s still some sorry-saying to do!
Happy to be on the journey with you! Let me know if you ever want to borrow some duct-tape.
I bought extra.