ANGRY and married…
It snowed yesterday. A lot. And my husband came home early from work, just to run the snow blower in the driveway. I happily let him. Not because I am too stupid to run a machine (I frequently use power tools), nor because I’m too fragile to be out in the cold (I’m from Montana, enough said), nor because I’m incapable of “taking care of things” by myself (he travels for work and always has, and I’m quite self-sufficient). Rather, because it gave him great joy to do so (probably because he LOVES running machines and “taking care of things” for his family), and I found great pleasure in choosing to receive love in his act of service.
Not certain when he did it, but he also made sure that his truck was full of gas and ready to drive, so I could take our son to school with the 4-wheel drive. I chose to accept this also as a loving act on his part.
What really makes my heart soar, however, is when he SAYS things to me, especially in front of others, about my strengths. One time, he hi-jacked my audience when I was speaking and gave a ten minute speech about how neat he thought I was, and presented me with a bracelet. In front of about 80 people. I’m still floating from that one!
There was a time, however, when all I felt was disappointment, sadness, discouragement, and taken advantage of, all of which manifested as ANGER. And I’m sure all he felt was frustration, confusion, and discouragement, which coincidently, also showed up as ANGER.
On the surface, it seemed we warred with each other, but the truth is we were at war with the lies we believed that this culture sells every day (and these were just a few):
- marriage will make us happy
- he should “just know” how to love me
- I will always feel loved
- he will always feel respected
- he will be sensitive to my feelings naturally
- I will always “be in the mood,” but he is perverse and disgusting if he “wants it too often,” but “manly men” are desired and pursued (doesn’t the culture do tons with conflicting lies here?)
- he’ll always look the way he does the day I married him, and so will I (because that’s how the moms and dads on TV look…svelt, in shape, made-up, hair done, etc.)
- working while having a family is easy – for both husband and wife
- houses are easy to keep organized, life balance is easy, children are always delightful (and easy to raise) and family relationships are easy to create and maintain
We’ve now overcome most of these lies, with tons of prayer, work, and hand-holding by the Father, but that’s another story. Today I’m talking about being ANGRY.
In the last week, three of my friends shared their grief over friends or relatives of theirs, all Christian women, who were filing for divorce.
The durations of these marriages ranged from 5 to 35 years.
What was interesting, was that when I asked each of my friends why these divorces were occuring, they all said the same thing: “The wife says she’s had enough.”
Enough of what? Enough being the “only one” working on the relationship? Enough of him being unloving? Enough of feeling alone, when one of the big lies is that a husband and wife will be closer than any other sister, friend or mother? Enough waiting on him to “show her some love” so she can “show him some respect?”
Based on what we’ve seen, there are two myths that are keeping marriages from staying together. The first is, “Respect is to be earned and I’ll give that to him when he shows me love.” The second is one that pervades Christian marriages, one that prevents Christian women from creating what God intended: the myth that it takes BOTH people in the marriage, performing tons of hard work, to make the marriage something that glorifies God, and oh, by the way, the wife has to martyr herself in the process, becoming a demeaned being, to be tread upon like a doormat.
A husband who submits to Christ, loving his wife and laying down his life for her, and a wife who freely gives her husband authority and treats him with respect (Ephesians 5:22-33) will only be attained if BOTH members of the couple are consistently working on the marriage. That IS true, however, in working with many women over a number of years, we’ve discovered that there is a reason women are encouraged in Titus 2 to help the younger women become friends with their husbands.
Women have to start the process…and the process begins with respecting their husbands.
I want to suggest this to you: As a woman, you are the relationship architect in your marriage.
First, I will concede that obviously the ideal would be easier to achieve if simultaneously, BOTH husband and wife were working at the marriage. Reality (and current research), however, shows us that men are NOT the ones who 1) know there is even a problem in their relationship, nor 2) seek counseling to actually do something about it.
But women are doing both of those things.
There are a few things we know about marriage relationships and gender. It is interesting that one of the most common complaints of wives is, “I don’t feel loved,” and one of the most common complaints of men is, “She doesn’t respect me.” Isn’t it interesting that in the few sentences in the Bible in which God does addresses marriage, He specifically commands husbands to love their wives and He tells the wife to submit to and respect her husband?
Our culture, however, teaches that respect should be earned, and men should be “in touch with their feminine side,” and this assumes that they have one. Brain and psychological research and basic male/female physiology demonstrates clearly that generally speaking, women are more in touch with their feelings, more relational, and more communicative than men are. God wired men to naturally treat each other with respect, and they do. Men inherently know, as 11 year olds on the ball field or grown ups in the board room, how to help or derail each other, through the language of respect. God tells men to unconditionally love their wives because they don’t naturally do this well. BUT, we women are, generally speaking, more relationship oriented, actually experiencing “bonding” with other humans on a physiological level, through the natural release of the hormone, oxytocin. Women are practically swimming in this stuff, while men, conversely, produce a very small amount – and they have fewer receptors than women do, so even when they DO produce this “relationship hormone” (interestingly enough, primarily during physical intimacy) they STILL wouldn’t be able to do as much with it as we naturally do. And that’s the way God made us.
Where this lands a married couple is simple (not easy, but simple): women need to study respect and implement it, and a wife needs also to teach her husband how she experiences love. That doesn’t sound fair, does it? But yes, I am suggesting that the woman take responsibility for the state of their relationship and then DO something about it. Again, think “relationship architect.” Women are wired by God to be better equipped to deal with relationship things, so why not let the husband do the things he is naturally wired to do (and you can do them, too, if you like that sort of thing, just like he could choose to grow relationship-skill-wise if he is interested, and some men are) but YOU do the things God created you to do best?
The church sort-of teaches this concept, but what “do something about it” typically dissolves into is “become a martyr in your own home and let the guy you married walk all over you because he is the head.”
“Submission” and “Respect” aren’t intended by God to create a bunch of doormat Christian wives. But since we don’t have good role models in the ever-present media from which to learn how to do this, we end up being negatively influenced by the Culture’s REALLY Big Lie Designed to Destroy Families:
- DO it all (corporate ladder rising career AND excell at motherhood AND have an amazing house/social life/friends/whatever – do the math, there just aren’t enough hours in the day),
- HAVE it all (nice cars, vacations, house, brand of purse, shoes, the “right” jewelry, the “right clothes” for you AND your kids, private schools, tutors, music lessons etc.),
- BE it all (glamorous, fit, great skin, amazing hair, great friend, organized, laundry done, care for a family that adores you and never has conflict, all while you help with homework, get the dishes put away from the home-cooked meal you prepared, help your teen with a friend problem, and schedule the dog at the groomer, etc. – again, do the math on the hours)
- AND, while you are at it, never be tired, maintain a size 6, always have it “together,” and by the way, you should be happy all the time.
No wonder these women have “had enough.”
They’ve been believing lies.
The internal pressure of the cognitive dissonance created by believing a lie contrasted daily with reality will dissolution and frustrate anyone enough to be ANGRY.
So, in order:
- Understand WHY you are angry – in other words, what unmet expectations based on lies do you have of marriage versus what God created marriage for in the first place, which is to respresent Christ and the church…
- Choose to DO something about it (something healthy that positively impacts your marriage) and embrace your God-designed relationship gifts and become the relationship architect in your marriage
Later this week, I’ll get specific with what this might look like, based on what we’ve seen other women successfully doing in their marriages. Because women are wired by God to be the more relationship-oriented of the two in a marriage, because women are the ones who are unhappy, because wives file for 2/3rds of the divorces in America, because we are female, that “something to do about it” is how to teach your husband how to love you by speaking his language of respect.
Some of you are going to be a bit ANGRY at me for suggesting this.
Bear in mind, I’m just the messenger – God sent the message. You can check His Word and His creation for the proof of that.
And that other guy would like nothing more than for you to write this off as the rantings of another doormat wife. That’s not true, either.
But first, I’d like your promise to learn to get something really right before you even attempt to start teaching your husband how to love you – and that is learning to communicate unconditional respect to your husband. So much respect that if you were to ask him, “Do you feel respected by me?” without missing a beat or telling a lie, he’d respond with an enthusiastic, “Yes!” Or he’d tell a friend who asked him if he felt respected by you, “Yes!”
What I’d like you to chew on right now is simply this – I don’t believe we have earned the right to teach others things we don’t get right ourselves. So…first learn how to “speak the language of respect” to your husband, then you have the right (and, I also believe, the skills and the obligation) to teach him how best to communicate love to you – in the language he already speaks.
More to come…
Once again, I totally agree!! When I get to heaven and are face to face with God my Heavenly Father, am I prepared to answer His question? ” How did you do, Jennifer?” He isn’t concerned with the fact that my husband was mean and I acted out of anger towards him. Or that I selfishly played the victim to get the unmet needs of mine met. He wants to know how did I do? Did I act in love as God has loved me? His love is unconditional for each and everyone of us! He didn’t make junk! He has asked us to love each other as He has loved us. Now I’m not saying that some days I didn’t have to bite my tongue or turn the other cheek before my mouth spread unloving words. I just know that when I was obedient and trusted that God’s word is true I was blessed. And with anything in life, practice makes perfect. I have to die to self each and everyday. I didn’t realize I was such a selfish person until God really dug into my heart and revealed these things to me. But each day on this journey becomes easier because God’s word IS TRUE!! We really just have to be obedient to His Holy Word and He will bless us!!
I stumbled across your ministry on Facebook tonight. My husband and I have been going through a lot these past few months. I don’t know if I can put aside my hurt and anger to accept the challenge. On the flip side, it is a command from God to do so. I am very conflicted on this issue tonight. Every time I think I have the answer of “What’s the next step?” something else comes along to challenge that. I want to take the steps to get back to “making it work” again, but I don’t know if I have the strength. Either way, thanks for your ministry! God bless…
Your struggle is one that is common to women in this culture. But it’s a struggle of faith. At the core of the respect issue is simply, “Do I trust God enough to believe His Word to be true, and respond with obedience?” Most of us really don’t believe that He has good things in store for us if we obey Him. So we don’t. And we’re naturally wired (thanks, Eve) to be controlling, so we try to manage our lives without His input. We’ll sign up for salvation, peace and comfort, but that’s about it. Most of us don’t want to “give up” anything…we just don’t know Him well enough to trust Him that much.
I totally understand your conflict. I have been there! There are reasons I believe we can, and as wives, should, do something about the states of our marriages. First, Luke 6:32, 33 says, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that.” So, God’s attitude is that we should have Christ’s attitude (Phil 2:5) and pick up our cross and follow Him. Even if our husband is a jerk. If we are going to wait for our husband to show love to us before we will take action, show him love (through his language of respect) or do good to him, then we aren’t doing what God asks. Combine this with the “you must be a doormat” attitude conveyed about submission and we end up with a bunch of resentful women. And that’s not what God wants, either. But WE must first submit and respect before we can have the relationship we want. And WE CAN HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE WANT… hear that… yes, we can be treated with love… but yeah, first we have to die to ourselves and our sinful selfish nature, obey God, then learn the next steps. I’m going to put up what those are soon, maybe this weekend. But I want wives to chew on a few things first. Because I know that most of them are going to skip to the next steps, and it won’t work, but they’re not going to believe me or God, but I’m still waiting, letting Him tell me when to put it up.
Why is it our responsibility to move forward FIRST? Psalm 19:1-6 says we can know God through His creation. Just as women are designed by God to breastfeed (we have breasts, we lactate upon birth, our milk will “let down” at a baby’s cry, etc., without any conscious action on our part – it’s His creation) we can look at our brain chemistry (having more connections between the “thinking” and “feeling” sides of our brains) and the fact that we produce bonding hormones in dramatically more amounts than men and learn also from His creation that women are more relational than men. In the Bible, where God tells us how to do marriage, He tells the wife FIRST to take action. Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:17-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7. Knowing that one of women’s strengths is relationship-building and communication, given also, that in Luke 6:41 and Matthew 7:3, we are asked to pay attention to our own plank instead of another’s faults, and the tons of other verses about daily behavior and the fact that we are called also to be our husband’s “helper” – all these things add up to the privilege and exciting opportunity in front of all wives and that is to be the relationship architects in their marriages, helping their husbands learn to communicate love (and not just to us, but also to our kids), but FIRST, we must learn to speak their language of respect, so that we can help, and because God calls us to do so and He’s right for a whole host of reasons.
The alternative is to sit around and wait for him to change, being miserable and angry.
And that’s not what He wants.
But will we open our hands, holding loosely everything we have, surrender to His will instead of ours for our lives, and trust Him enough to obey?
That’s always the question. And until we get that right, there is no lasting joy or peace that surpasses all understanding.
I so want wives to experience those things. To have the family life they dreamed of as little girls. But it starts with obedience.
Will you obey?
Nina, I have to agree with your post. I have been married for going on 17 years. Three years ago I decided I had had enough of being the doormat. I had been the praying wife for 13 years. But I continued to be the doormat in our relationship. He is a good man just misdirected for a while. So I searched out other housing and a new life for myself. I got excited at the possibilities that would be on the horizon for me if I just left this marriage and being depressed for so long. I have to tell you as I was talking to God about all of this He didn’t say much until I asked Him if I would be better off to leave. The very next morning a series of events took place that only God could have done . My husband realized the pain that he had caused in our marriage. He cried and held me and we started the process of healing. We have taken the Love and Respect small group study and have found it very helpful in our healing. Three years later…. we are still on the road to healing our marriage but it was because God had ordained our marriage to begin with and God told me not to leave, that the blessings of the pain that was caused would be greater than I could imagine. And because he needed me to go through this time to be able to help other women in the same situation. I feel strongly about the marriage bond. God really does want us to stay yoked to our mates. And sometimes it really does feel like we are the only one trying in the marriage. But there is a reason we need to push through the tests in our path to get to the blessings on the other side. God loves us and wants to bless our lives. We just need to continue to seek His face and the truth of His word during these times to stay focused. So my final word would be to seek out the face of God and ask Him where you should be? His answer will be loud and clear. Blessings !
Wise words, indeed, Jennifer! Thanks for commenting!
You know..it’s kinda weird..but it has been the other way around for the most part for us during our 15 years of marriage.. I was so broken when I got married, but God was so gracious to give me a husband (my hero:) that loved me so much that he stood by me even at my worse, until I received healing. His love for me has been the biggest part of my healing..And the thing that most showed his love for me is when he stood by me during the 10 years that I was persecuted by his family, and he did not go to their side. I gained a ton of respect and love for him during these times. Along with that.. is that i did learn how to respect him not only by the Word, but with the help of a mentor that I had for three years when I first got saved.. But yes, my respecting my husband has blessed our marriage too:).. It’s just funny that I think most of the credit goes to him.. So I guess this Love Dare “can” work both ways:) I have told people so many times that our marriage gets better and better every year that we have been married.. And that’s the truth!
I have 30 years of marriage behind me, and I’m having trouble remembering good times. Like some of your other respondents, I feel malnourished, tired and yes, angry. I feel as though I’ve been trying this love/respect thing nearly that entire time, with no result. We have raised 4 children, none of whom are now in fellowship with God. In fact, the youngest is involved with almost every negative aspect our society offers. Her relationship with her father has been acrimonious for at least 10 years as he is completely unable to see good in her and love her despite her prickly exterior. It is humanly impossible for me to show him respect; there are too many things he does so poorly (like caring, being proactive about anything, loving). I’m only hanging on here because I don’t want to cause grief for other people.
Well, Bippy…I’m hoping I’m not stepping on any toes here, but I felt compelled to respond to you because I can relate on so many levels to what you are experiencing. And sometimes, different situations require different solutions. Because I found that no matter how kindly, how gently, how well or how respectfully I communicated to my husband, he would hear a host of things, all bad, that never even entered my mind. It’s tapes he plays in his head, that never left him from his youth. In short…it was his issues.
Love without Hurt, Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One…Steven Stosny. The other side of the coin. Walking on eggshells? Doesn’t matter how many ways of Sunday you phrase things, “follow” the respect formula, die to yourself, honestly in your heart show him honor, believe God will change things and intervene miraculously? Well, to me, Love without Hurt was the most “Christian, non-Christian book I had read in a long, long time. Wow. is all I can say. What a relief. And in my life, God was/is all over it. I can’t tell you how much the burden lifted so that I could see grace, in faith…God’s faithfulness working in me…not mine. God revealing to me the inner workings of the dynamics of our relationship for all these 21 years. I’m still believing God will miraculously intervene, and I know that it is possible, but in the meantime, I have such a precious revelation of my worth and value to the Lord, and I see His purpose. And if my husband decides he will not change, because I’m not the one who determines that, only God has the power to change hearts, and heal them…then I will at least know my own worth, and the grace by which I live.
Randi is right on a multitude of levels. The bottom line is that when we get our confidence from our relationship with God, we can do what He asks of us and be used by Him in other people’s lives, even our husband’s. She said God is the only one who can change hearts, and is right on in that assertion. It’s what our lives are all about – He uses relationship with the Spirit and with people to do that – usually those who are walking with Him and shine His light through their lives. So yes, do what God says, but recognize the hardest thing: He has a different timeline than we do and He doesn’t waste anything – He often has learning for us in the midst of our challenges with other people, too. We are never more like Jesus than when we are loving those who don’t deserve it – and speaking truth in love (and respect) to be ambassadors for Christ.
The common problem we see in ministry is that for some reason, probably culturally based, some wives see only a few options available to them if they choose to obey God and show respect to a man they feel doesn’t deserve it: 1) be a doormat, 2) be a martyr, or, 3) “stand up for my rights” (the aggressive, disrespectful response) and miss the only real option we think is within His will: 4) be an ambassador for Christ, living first and speaking second the Truth, deeply motivated by love. This last option is what we encourage women to do. Yes, obey God, be respectful, but when he hurts you or your kids or your relationship, respond with love, not anger and hurt. Develop your relationship with God such that you can be at that point with the guy you married, because it’s nothing humanly possible.
We’re often too caught up in our own feelings, stuck in resentment, failing to move to see our husband the way Christ saw the very people who crucified Him – with love. “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.” Spoken by Jesus while hanging on the cross. I pray I can see my husband the way God sees him. That kind of vision removes the “power” he has to hurt me because I see things through God’s eyes. I see the nasty thing he said to me as not about me (like Randi said) but rather a reflection of his childhood. And we could say to husband in that moment, being motivated by love and not our own hurt or anger, “When you say that, you shred my heart and I feel completely insignificant to you. Those words wound me deeply and I don’t want to hear them again.” Or, potentially, “I love you sweetheart, but no, I’m not going to bail you out of jail. And you won’t be allowed back in the house until you enroll in an alcohol recovery program. I have to go.” Or whatever God is telling you to do in that moment. And it might be different from what He tells someone else in seemingly similar situations, and based on your relationship with Him.
I know, this is deep stuff. “Bold Love,” by Dr. Dan Allender explains the whole concept in great detail. He’s an expert on helping abuse victims overcome their bondage through deep relationship with Christ. He has several recovery books available at amazon.com. Randi is right in that your husband’s issues are his and you aren’t responsible for them. I think the thing we potentially differ in is that I believe God wants to use wives to help their husbands grow. I think He wants us to love at that level.
If we look at how the “greats” (they’re really just like us!) in the Bible grew, it was always through pain. I don’t buy the cultural lies that marriage is to make us happy – Paul clearly states that we will have more troubles than those who are not married. BUT, having grown through the most (potentially) intimate relationship available to a human, that of marriage, we do have deep opportunities to become more like Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:28 states: But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. So we need to go into marriage with the pre-knowledge that it’s not what the world cracks it up to be. We’re signing up for troubles! Recognizing this was huge for me, and helped me put things in perspective and be more confident. I hope it does you, as well.
I don’t know why pain is His way for us to grow, but it is. I don’t like it, but He is God, so who am I to argue? His Word is full of difficult things for us to do, things that make no sense and we don’t like. Sometimes it grieves me to tell women to respect their husbands because I know they will experience pain as they figure out what that means. But He tells us to do this difficult thing, regardless. It’s our goal and heart to walk along side them as they figure it out, reminding them of their strengths, encouraging them in their walk, and Bippy, that means you, too. I’m sorry for your struggle – 30 years is a long time to suffer and feel alone. Your story isn’t over, however, and I trust our Lord intends for good to come from this. I pray strength your direction, knowing it will take His guidance and leadership to get you through the coming years. I pray for His glory to be easily seen in the miracles He works in your marriage. All things are possible if we will just yield and obey. I know, easier said than done, but if we ask Him for help on even that, He is faithful.
I am just thankful He has given Jesus to us, even though we don’t deserve Him. Without full acceptance of Christ, and recognition of our own depravity of spirit without Him, we are all bound for an even worse life at the end of this one.
Praying for you, Dee! God’s working out things you don’t even know about! He just wants you to be patient and obedient while He’s doing His thing. Check back in a few days – there’s MORE. Just read the last paragraph…by learning to speak his language of respect, we can then communicate more effectively in a language he will understand – and then, he will be motivated to demonstrate love! FYI this doesn’t happen overnight, but it usually happens. 🙂
Nina, to be honest, I had to skim this. It’s way too challenging for where I am right now. Why does it always have to be me who is doing the work? So much water under the bridge. Surely, “they” have to take some of the responsibility….But, thank you for the challenge. Perhaps I can attain that goal…putting my own hurts and anger aside….Thank you for the challenge…
Well, I’d like to throw my 50 cents in since this is a blog…:)
I think the biggest lie that pervades and destroys Christian marriages is that woman are somehow inferior to men. When in actuality, Ezer Kenegdo, the original Hebrew word for woman used 19 times in the OT, 3 for woman and 16 for God himself, as Rescuer. Ezer Kenegdo meaning strength and power, equal of standing in face to face opposition to. Jesus was absolutely revolutionary in his treatment of women.
The problem stems from the idea that the bible is full of contradictions such as when it states that there is no male or female in Christ, but then women should remained covered and silent in church, etc. Women were to remain silent and covered so they wouldn’t get stoned to death because that particular culture was not prepared to deal with the freedom God had in mind for Christian women and in original creation. God was protecting them. But clearly, that freedom came slowly but surely as women even became apostles, like Junia, in Romans, who was proclaimed as “outstanding”.
There are several instances where Jesus, a man, could have chosen to respond to women in a less than loving manner, but he did not. One, is when his own mother ordered him, though it was not “his time”, to make wine. He did it anyway. He could have said, woman…why are you bossing me around, disrespecting me…but no, he made the wine, for people who were already drunk. btw. How about Mary, nagging him about Martha…or the woman at the well who was actually sarcastic with him or the woman who touched his garment that would have made him unclean for days in the eyes of the Pharisees. And there are more, but the fact is, the way Jesus responded to women determined their responsiveness to him. I do not see where it is biblical that the repairing and relational aspects of the marriage necessarily begin with the woman…not saying they can’t, but to make it their “responsibility”, I question that assertion.
Because in fact what I see is that the husband, as head, is to nourish the wife. Women are tired of being malnourished and treated as subservient, a philosophy which is propagated with such zeal by the Christian community – I caught what you said about not being treated like a doormat…what I don’t see, is what’s the difference between what you are telling women to be like and being a doormat?
Randi – Thanks for the comment! You are right in that God views women as precious, and as important as the Holy Spirit – His Word specifically makes that point by using the same words to describe our roles. The blog post in a nutshell was an attempt to make this point: by learning to speak a man’s language of respect, we can then communicate more effectively in a language he will understand – and then, he will be motivated to demonstrate love! FYI this doesn’t happen overnight, but it usually happens. We’ve seen it.
We don’t want women to sit around feeling helpless, discouraged and ineffective, or complaining while they are waiting for their husbands to show them love before they show them respect. We want women to fully embrace their roles and take an active part in changing the part of their life that can be tremendously fulfilling, or riddled with pain – and through our courses, workshops, retreats, book and interactions with us, we help them do this by growing closer to God and developing communication skills.
It’s a complex topic. Perhaps one too complex for a single blog post. 🙂 So hopefully, some of the things we share in the upcoming days/weeks will be helpful. 🙂
Hi I read your article and I found it to be interesting . My husband and I have been married for 25 years my husband and I attend the same church. I thought I had a happy marriage until my husband’s called our home and informed me of her relationship with my husband. It did not stop there she continued to call our home and even sat in her car outside of our home. My husband allowed her to disrespect me as if he had no control what so ever and my husband and I got into a huge altercation which led to separation. We have now been separated for 6 months. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he always say that he does not want to talk about it whatever that means. I have always tried to do right by my husband for 25 years. I have been fighting for my marriage for 6 months. I have confessed my unforgiveness, anger and hurt to God because my heart would not allow me to stay angry at my husband. I am currently still fighting for my marriage through prayer.
Sherita – we join you in praying for your marriage! I am so sorry you have suffered, but I do know that God can turn even this into something beautiful and He holds each one of your tears in His hands. You are right in turning to the Lord! He is always there and always has the right course of action.
I just love how this reinforces with solid strength and common sense what I already know. I look forward to each post b/c I print it out and keep to re-read when I’m having a difficult day. Thanks ever so much!
Nicole, thank you for your kind words! God is amazing – no credit taken here. SO glad you know this stuff! Many women haven’t heard it before and spend most of their time blaming others for how they feel. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all get our “big girl panties” on and change our families and as a result deeply impact the world? 🙂
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