A Small Change to STOP Making Others Defensive

Simple phrase that diffuses potential conflict

A turn from defensive I walked into the hallway and said to her, “Baby, you’ll need to do the stairs, there’s dog hair on them.” This was after she’d already put the vacuum away, thinking she was done with her daily chore. I might have heard, “I know!!” from her lips or spotted a complimentary eye-roll for no […]

Psst… are your thoughts destroying you?

Is self-talk destroying you? Shoulders hunched over, face in a scowl, the thoughts come… “I can’t.” “I’m so lousy at this…” “I wish I’d never started…” “I want to quit.” Or maybe, like the woman in the story in Matthew 9:21, she perseveres, knowing – no, believing – for twelve years – that she will […]

God Can Change Your Marriage in 2017

Do you believe God can change your marriage in 2017? That’s half the battle, right there. Because maybe, just maybe, you’ve given up hope. What if the mess your marriage is in exists because of a number of God-created and poorly humanly handled circumstances and responses? Here’s what we know to be true, things that […]

Self-Respect + Respect for your husband helps your marriage…

Did you know that self-respect + respect for your husband actually helps your marriage? Here’s a brief glance at what that can look like: So don’t be “wrong at the top of your voice,” as Emerson Eggerich puts it. If your husband is interested in growing your marriage, know he’ll hear the truth better from […]

What we can learn from the recent shootings that will help our marriages…

We need to recognize that recent race issues in our country are symptomatic of how America is suffering from mental illness - and it's based on cognitive distortion.

Wondering what we can learn from the recent shootings that will help our marriages? Bear with me for a moment – all these things are connected and you’ll see why in just a minute. Sitting at my computer on Saturday, I started grading exams for my college public speaking courses. When I moused over the […]

One man’s opinion about defensiveness…

Ever ask a man about defensiveness? A little while back, a class member asked me a question about her husband. He had made fun of a disabled person and was angry about how long it took to get through the grocery line. She has been at a loss at how to deal with these things. […]

How to avoid feeling shame …

Ever have someone shame you? It’s an awful feeling, don’t you think? The face-flushing, guilty-headache, hot-cheeked, where’s-the-door-right-Now? feeling that stinks like no other. And you may not consider yourself someone who dumps shame on others – I certainly didn’t think of myself that way – but if we’ve ever begun a sentence with, “How could […]

What should she do?

In search of the male perspective...

Psychologists will tell us that the “parent-child” style of relating is extremely unhealthy in marriage. What IS healthiest is “adult-adult.” Unfortunately, we don’t always do that. Both men and women can be “parental” in a relationship and “childish.” This manifests itself in ranges of varying levels of controlling behaviors to rebelliousness, respectively. I have a […]