Dare #7 of The Respect Dare – If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

Having children is called a blessing in the Bible.

It can also ruin your marriage.

And not surprisingly, research actually supports this – marital satisfaction declines after children are born, and increases when they are all gone.

For me, having kids in their teens and twenties has proven as emotionally exhausting as it was physically exhausting when they were 6, 3, and newborn.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Best. Job. Ever.

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We have an ongoing battle with negativity in this life that dares to suck the encouragement out of us and our family members.

It’s easy to get caught up in that cycle, then start criticizing, generating mutual defensiveness, then everyone is stonewalling, and dabbling with contempt. Our words are creating the reality in which we live… is our cup half full, half empty or the wrong size?


And the words we choose either get everyone on the same page, or they create division and distance in our families. I’m still working all these things out on a daily basis, sometimes badly.

And sometimes in opposition to others.

But we have to wage this war, whether it is helping our child see the wrongness of condemnation and judgment, or being able to see our own. The girl in today’s story got it about half right – but it was a step in the right direction. She stopped bashing her husband in public, but judged the women she was with.  We could have seen discernment instead. Perhaps if her heart had been softer or if she’d been more mature. And instead of levying judgment against them, she would have focused on her own behavior instead of theirs as much, and been more loving.

I wonder if the story encourages women to judge other women?

While that wasn’t my intent when it was written, I wondered about that when I read it today.

Obviously that isn’t helpful, either. We need to accept people where they are in their own walk, and just journey next to them.

What do you think? How are you doing in the “husband-bashing” department? Why does that matter? Are you judging your girlfriends? What do YOU think about the woman in the story?

And if you are parenting tweens, teens, or twenty-somethings, you should totally follow Debbie . Like us on Facebook.  I’m also active on Twitter as @NinaRoesner.  Come join the discussions!

Love to you,


While you’re thinking about “husband bashing,” head over to Dare to Respect, a novel based on six women who are unhappy with their marriages share the journey of 40 Dares!










Are you parenting teens, tweens and twenty-somethings?  Check out Debbie’s blog and the new book!










Thinking of leading your own small group through The Respect Dare, Dare to Respect, or With All Due Respect?  Come to our Leadership retreat in September, 2017 and learn how!

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