Dare #4 of The Respect Dare – Sabotage

Are you sabotaging your marriage?

Dare #4  Are you sabotaging your marriage?

You know you can set it up to succeed or fail, right? I know it takes two, yes, but when we’re thinking about our part, we need to pay attention to HOW we think about where our marriage is headed.

Are we worrying about how it might fail? Often?

Are we negative, focusing on what is wrong?

Or are we optimistic, even in difficulty, and working towards what we want?

There’s a proverb that says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”


We’re specific about how the vision statement is written because it propels us forward, helps us get “unstuck” from the past, if you will.  I know from tons of personal experience with something as difficult to manage as weight, that when I focus on what I don’t want, I end up doing exactly that. When I instead focus on where I’m headed, I achieve that instead. I literally fight the weight battle mentally by looking toward where I want to be (and I have a 10lb range, btw) instead of thinking, “OH NO!” when it’s in the wrong spot. I get the info, then I reprogram my thoughts to think, “Here’s what’s soon to be true about me!”

It’s a thing – called a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” You can check some science here.  We have a saying at our house, that “Whatever we pay attention to GROWS.”

whatever we pay attention to grows kids

And in the RESPECT DARE we pay attention to the right things.

Sometimes we’re so emotional we can’t even figure out what those are, but sometimes we get it right – with His help – and in focusing on those right things, we’re able to grow ourselves, and often our kids, and our marriages into something that glorifies God.

Lots of times there’s bumps. Conflict. Trauma. How we respond to those things matters – keep forward looking, and it helps. Dwell on what’s not the goal, well, we create that, too.

Our gloom creates doom. :/ Know what I mean?

I really believe that it is in this mindset that we allow Him to create joy out of any circumstance.

And if you want to check out Backyardmissionary’s post about the vision assignment, you can do so here. 🙂

And I love how this teen went from letting someone else’s negative opinion of her define her to NOT. Thanks to one of our Strength & Dignity class members for sharing this with me!

I think these things matter tremendously because our daughters (and our sons) are watching – and what they see is what they’ll DO, not what they hear us proselytize.

What about you? How are you doing with the “self-fulfilling prophecy?” Do you create doom or joy in your relationships?  Would love to hear from you on this! If you are “Doing the DARE” with us, feel free to share your vision here! 🙂

Just to keep in line with the transparency goals here, I’m going to confess that I’m really struggling with a thing right now. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but I could use some prayer. I appreciate you so much – am thankful that I won’t get judged for asking, and that you’ll be patient with me while I muddle through it. I’m actually practicing my own vision statement with even more intention during this time. Had to remind myself of the rules! 🙂 They’re based in Truth, and proven through science, so I am trusting and doing… even when it is hard. 

Can’t wait to hear from you today!

Love to you,


Seriously, if you lead women’s studies, and you want to do marriage ministry that makes a crazy wild lasting difference, you need to join us. Pray about it, but there’s nothing like it out there. I recently discovered that many of the same elements in Celebrate Recovery and AA (two proven programs) are in Daughters of Sarah. There’s a touch of them in RD, too, especially if you do the videos and the small group experience. The training method is unlike anything else you’ve probably done. Okay, I’ll stop now.

I get excited. 🙂 The women that keep coming back do so because they LOVE what they see God doing, too. We just want to support them. Okay, I said I’d stop…! 🙂












If you are a parent of tweens, teens or twenty-somethings, get your hands on Debbie Hitchcock’s phenomenal book With All Due Respect.









And get a copy of the newest book in the Dare collection, “Dare to Respect” by Tammy Oberg De La Garza – it’s a novel about 6 women who tackle the Respect Dare together.

titus 2 women leadership