Dare #3 Journey – Continued Self-Assessment

A.K.A. Navel Gazing

Today’s dare is a continuation of #3 – where we continue to torture ourselves with dig into self-evaluation.


But before we get into that, I just want to say THANK YOU.

Debbie, Dave, and her sons and her family are touched by the outpouring of love and support from you all. The irony of her daughter’s passing and the memorial being the day she talks about her on Focus on the Family isn’t lost on us. If you missed the broadcasts, you can find them here:  Focus on the Family Interviews – With All Due Respect

I want to encourage you to subscribe to our parenting tips on our website at www.GreaterImpact.org – there’s even a free eCourse on getting your teen or tween to listen to you!

We are aggressively choosing joy and to see blessing in this difficult time. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, kind thoughts, and especially the prayers. It’s been a rough week and the coming days are sure to be hard as well.

Love to you,



Back to our regularly scheduled programming…


If you have done The RESPECT DARE book, you know the self-assessment about being a Biblical wife. Actually, there’s abundant opportunities to really think through what kind of wife we are.  While looking at ourselves, we have our first glance at realizing we are blessed.

Might not feel that way, yet it is true, nonetheless.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Matthew 5:3

One of the reasons I love our training method is that it’s been around for years. Organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous and Celebrate Recovery use similar components. Each begins with self-reflection … a bit of “navel gazing” if you will.

An honest look at ourselves will always make us humble.


Bereft in the depravity of our spirit without Jesus Christ.

In that moment, our pride is squashed, and we realize a number of really important things…

  • We’re not in control
  • We can’t do anything to change
  • We’re responsible for more of the mess in our lives than we thought
  • And all that’s awesome – because God loves a contrite and humble person – we’re not taking up space on His throne

So when we realize we have made a contribution to the mess, we are “poor in spirit” and in that, the Kingdom of Heaven is ours.

Tremendous freedom comes from letting go of control – and that only happens when we realize we really need God’s help to change.

(If you are struggling with that, you might be a narcissist. Seriously. It’s a thing – check out this post if you are at all concerned, or in denial, or dealing with one).

Today, we’re keeping with Dare 3 and doing another type of “character assessment.” If you missed the boundaries assessment, then you really need to go back and check it out – too many marriages are being destroyed because one or both spouses fail to respect each other’s boundaries.

Assessment – Part 2

At any rate, here’s the character assessment for part 2 of the torture helpful navel gazing:

These are Biblically-based markers of Christ-like character. Place an “x” next to the items that are an opportunity for improvement for you in your life and your marriage: 


  • I say what I mean, mean what I say, and keep my commitments.
  • I’m aware of my limitations and work with others to balance competing priorities.
  • I don’t make promises unless I can keep them.
  • I have tangible evidence that I practice what I say I value most (fruit).
  • I apologize and own my part in problems, then do my best to make things right.


  • I share only that which is fully mine to share. I do not gossip about other people, even in a “they need prayer” kind of way.
  • I stop others who try to gossip around me.
  • I give the benefit of the doubt, choosing to think the best, instead of ascribing negative motives to other people’s behaviors.  
  • I put what God wants me to do, whether it is via Scripture or His communicated purpose in my life, over the desires of all others. 


  • I can ask for what I need without judging myself, even when I’m met with a negative response.
  • I can hear what other people need without judging them or myself.
  • I feel I am “good enough” and my contributions, skills, and abilities, are also.
  • I receive compliments, encouragement, and affection from others easily.


  • I don’t negate, dismiss, or demean others who have ideas outside of mine.
  • I am respectful of other people’s opinions and find them interesting and intriguing, even when I think I might disagree.
  • I am comfortable with “not having to be right” and open to the ideas, influences, and solutions of others.


  • I spend more time pointing out what is positive than I do with what is negative.
  • I am satisfied with what is good and not unsatisfied if it could be made better.
  • I am not considered a “disagreeable” or “oppositional” person.
  • I can be objective and see what is true in a situation, even if it is a hard truth.
  • It is easy for me to see the good in situations.


  • I build the confidence and skills of those around me by helping them see their strengths 
  • I give compliments, encouragement, and affection to others easily.
  • I tell the truth and do so gently when it is a truth that can hurt.
  • I speak into others’ lives when I am invited, instead of inviting myself.

Growth / Maturity

  • I am aware of areas where I struggle and pursue growing in those areas while being gentle with myself.
  • If my husband shares something with me, I do not share it with others without his permission.
  • If I know what is right to do in a situation, I do it.

So combine the assessment from The RESPECT DARE book, the boundaries one from the Boundaries post, and this one. Pick your top 2 from each list that need work. Next week we’ll start working on the Vision aspect. As a matter of fact if you don’t use the ones from the book, you are running the risk of swinging too far to the “domineering wife” side of the pendulum, so be sure you get that aspect as well. Westerners tend to go from one extreme to the other, failing to find “healthy” in the middle – it’s only by dealing with ALL aspects of boundaries, respect, character, and discipleship (in the RD assessment) that we can land at “healthy.”

DoormatRespecting others without having self-respectGiving without receivingShame

Healthy Relationship Characteristics

In healthy relationships, there is a respect of self and a respect of others. We are healthy enough to both give and receive love, affection, affirmation, respect, and view ourselves and others as precious to God. Instead of shaming ourselves or others, or levying blame, we receive conviction and grace from God. Consequently we have enough of His grace within us to extend it to others.

Remember the parables in Matthew 13? Two deal with the Kingdom of God – and how the growth of the Kingdom starts small, like a mustard seed, yet turns into something so big birds can build nests in it. That’s how our faith is supposed to grow within us. If we choose to follow Christ and then don’t grow, we’ve missed a ton of opportunities to experience God and be part of what He’s doing.

So like it or not, we need to keep moving forward. 🙂 Love well. Respect. Obey.

What about you? How comfortable are you with the self-assessment? Do you feel shame, do you blame, or just feel convicted? 

Next week we’ll keep moving forward and set some goals with our assessments. I’m looking forward to that! 🙂

Love to you,



If you haven’t signed up for Boot Camp and you lead women, then check out the information below (click on the image). 

There’s literally no training like it out there like this – if you want a ministry where what you do makes a lasting impact in families, and you keep growing as you lead it, THIS is where you should be spending your time. I know that sounds bold – and please don’t come if you don’t feel led.  Pray about it. We’d love to have you!



titus 2 women leadership

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One thought on “Dare #3 Journey – Continued Self-Assessment

  1. Hi Nina 🙂 Shame, blame, conviction pretty much summed up 🙁 I follow you and Debbie daily, and have you in my daily prayers (Especially Debbie right now). I don’t have FB or any other social media accounts so I follow the e-mails and articles only. I live in CA and would love to join your ministry and boot camp but can’t make the trip right now. If it weren’t for Christ I don’t think I can handle the trials in my life. I pretty much have the relationship with the Holy Spirit figured out, but having a challenging time listening to His voice and whispers. How do I know if it is His voice and not just my intuition (which pretty much messed things up) or the enemy? I thought He spoke to me and gave me some very good news but something that I’ve been struggling and praying about just got worse.

    God bless you guys and what you do.


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