Dare #1 Journey – Got Expectations?

As promised, this week we begin our new dare journey – it’s for any woman, married or not, of any age. You can find the back story here.

I’m looking at this as “Respect 101 – Respecting God, Ourselves, and Others”


Dare 1 – Got Expectations?

A gangly seventh grader, I stood in front of the long mirror in my bedroom, checking the way my pink jeans fit – you know the drill, the visual up-down-front-back-side-to-side-style evaluative glances we women give ourselves. Our eyes focus on imperfections and flaws like, while the positives pass across our consciousness, mostly ignored. Do you remember doing that? I do.

As a young teen, maybe you were like me, where insecurities ruled our thoughts, interactions, and perceptions of truth. We didn’t know that all the other girls were just as uncomfortable in their hormonally-induced, changing bodies. Because my esteem was low, I naturally thought I had to be the only one who ever felt like that. I was wrong.

And no matter how old we get, we still make that mistake.

We women of all ages seem to continually battle something I call, “chronic comparison. ”  My husband frequently says, “to compare is to despair.” We fall into the comparing trap because it’s so difficult to fully wrap our identity up in God’s opinion of us.  We are constantly bombarded with the lies of the culture, so comparing ourselves to others plagues every one of us to a certain degree. 

There is hope, however. Awesome, deep, promising HOPE. This hope is one that is rooted in the greatest love in the universe – and it comes from having a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. We’ll be talking a lot about this in the coming dares, but first we’re going to sift through some of the baggage we carry. We’re going to leave some of it behind and put other pieces away for a while. We might even take some of it with us.

Focus #1 – Expectations Relationships

The first hard look we’re going to take is with the expectations we have of our relationship with God. I’ve known Him for over two decades, but I fully believe that piece of Him I know is probably smaller than a bazillionth of a bazillionth of a square millimeter… that is if He could even be confined to space.

The best part of having a relationship with God is that there will always be MORE. We can never know everything about Him, He never stops delighting and loving us in special ways, and if you’ll trust me on this, you’ll understand that He’s better than any guy on the planet will ever be. I’m not saying, “Don’t like boys or men!” And for the record, I LOVE MEN. I married one and gave birth to two.  They are all awesome.

What I AM  saying is that they aren’t supposed to be the thing we want MOST.

So let’s start here – our relationship with God

For me, I was an atheist until age 22. Obviously God did not exist in my world for a long time. Bullied relentlessly grade school through high school, I couldn’t fathom why a God who was supposed to be loving would let such horrible things happen to a little kid.

I gave up on Him.

I remember being 12 and deciding He wasn’t real. It was a dark moment in my childhood.

I had no hope.

When I chose to believe in Him later in life (after being positively influence by my then-friend, now-husband), I started “doing religion.” I read the Bible daily, prayed for other people and myself, served in my church, and tried to be good.

Can you relate?

“Doing religion” will leave a person bored with God.

It’s a place where you know about God, but don’t really know Him personally. One day, while I was driving to work, I said to Him, “You are supposed to be a mountain-moving, sea-parting, miraculous healing-style God. If You are so awesome, why is what I’m doing so boring? I don’t get it. I’m not even sure You are real. Is this all there is?”

This was back in the day of cassette players and so my favorite music cassette had been stuck in my car’s player for over a week. Each time I slid into the seat behind the wheel, I punched the button to try to get it out. Nothing happened.

This day, however, I chose to test God. Looking back, I realize this probably was not a good thing to do, but I didn’t know what I didn’t know at the time.  I said to Him, “If you really exist, can You pop my cassette out of the player? That should be nothing for You if You are Who-You-say-You-are.”

I pushed the button. It popped out.

I nearly drove my car off the road.

A warm feeling came over me.

It was nice.

Now this may seem like a small thing, and I suppose it is on the surface. That small moment changed me, however. He kept “showing up” in strange “coincidences” that led me down a path of belief and wonder. I started looking for God in everything. Over and over again, I saw Him.

It’s been my experience that usually, when someone young in their faith earnestly pursues God, He makes it easy for them to believe.

While this doesn’t happen 100% of the time, He does often show up in miraculous ways. One of the most “impressive” situations I ever witnessed occurred with one of my class members. She had been on a mission trip to Africa, and the missions committee brought some of the African people they had served to the US to a conference. This woman spoke about her experience serving in front of the group from Africa at the conference. When the group was on break, one of the African women came up to her and said, “I cried tears of great joy when you spoke your piece in our native tongue. Thank you so much for all you said.”

The woman had spoken everything in English. She did not even know the native language.

I know many with similar stories. Maybe you have one?

Maybe you don’t.


What About You?

Think back to when you first started to know Him. If you’re like most people, you really just knew “about” Him.

Maybe that’s where you are still, in your relationship with Him. Let’s take just a few minutes and think of the beginning of the relationship. Take a few moments and in your journal, answer these questions:

  • What were you looking for in the first place that led you to Him?
  • Why?
  • What have you actually experienced?
  • What are you feeling towards Him now?
  • If you look at the expectations you have of God, what are they? Write out at least three.

Dare you today to take these expectations you have/had of God, and put them in an envelope to be opened in 6 months. At that time, you can check our website, www.GreaterImpact.org under the “Respect Dare” tab for “The envelope” and we’ll give you further instructions.

Please comment below with your answers if you are feeling brave! 🙂 DARE YA! 🙂


As a reminder, we are doing Boot Camp again this year – helping women around the world learn more about using the discipleship method that forever-style changes women’s relationships with God, their husband, and others.

I’d love it if you’d come.  Consider this a personal invitation from me. 🙂 We’re at a lovely retreat center and the investment covers the entire stay including food and board.

They can also accommodate food allergies, just let us know on the enrollment form you’ll get via email. Space is limited – so grab your spot while there still are some if you feel led to deliver Daughters of Sarah or The RESPECT DARE. Yes, you can lead the classes without attending Boot Camp, but your classes will be ten times better if you come! :)

I’d love to see you.

And hug you in person. 🙂

Love to you,


Oh, and if you got this as an email forward from a friend who cares about you and your family, know we’d love YOU to join us on this journey. The road is long and hard, and often paved with tears, but worth traveling – and you’re not alone.


See how to incorporate respect into improving your relationship with your Tweens and Teens – With All Due Respect









Follow the Respect Dare Journey of 6 Wives who are unhappy with their marriages in the NEW novel, Dare to Respect

titus 2 women leadership

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

2 thoughts on “Dare #1 Journey – Got Expectations?

  1. Nina, I smiled to myself when I read this. Sounds like we have been on similar paths. I also was relentlessly bullied at school. I now see- it was part of God’s plan to protect me from many evil plans of the enemy as I wanted more than anything else to belong and be accepted (who doesn’t?) but now see where those desires would of taken me… nowhere good. It also taught me humility, great compassion and empathy towards others who are suffering. Although I always “knew” God was real and present somehow (His Mercy on me during a very tough childhood?) I distinctly remember like it was yesterday the day I was expelled from a grade 8 “sockhop” for bringing in a micky of “jungle juice” (yup, pathetically desperate to be cool) resulting in my best friend downing the entire thing in the girls bathroom and subsequently becoming the spectacle of the day. We were both expelled, she received mercy at home, I had the living tar beat out of me by a dad humiliated and horrified -followed by months of silence on his end…. I remember sitting in my room, alone, cut off from everyone, absolutely at the end of my rope, bawling my eyes out for days, my only comfort my record player, and a record that I had played over and over for months which had a skip right at the end of the last song… I remember it came to that skip and I just sat there, hopelessly, listening to it skip over and over and over with the tears running down my face, I wanted to seriously end my life. After about 10 minutes of just dejectedly listening to it skip I said, “God, if you are there, if you are really there, please, please, please, make it stop skipping, so I will know that I am not alone….” to my stunned amazement, the record miraculously played perfectly right through the skip as I was praying, the song finished, the needle lifted off the record and shut down by itself. I was absolutely STUNNED. AMAZED. BLOWN AWAY!!!!!!!!!! Well, my life didn’t get any easier after that, in fact it got harder, but I knew God was with me, and He gave me the strength to get through it. I didn’t even know until I was 26 – a full 12 years later, why Jesus even had to die for my sins. At that point I received Christ. But He was there even before that, He was with me.
    God bless you Nina, for all you are doing for Him. I was led to your site from Peaceful Wife, and both of your faithful works have had a huge impact in my marriage. Thank you so much!!!!!!! -Lisa

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