If you can’t say something nice…

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, right?

That would be awesome if it were in the Bible, but it’s just not. 

The closest we can come is Proverbs 16:4, which reads:

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

If we check Proverbs 31, (hang on, don’t freak out on me! 🙂 ) we see these two things:

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (v.7)


Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. (v. 25)

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (v. 26)

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And here’s a few from Matthew 12:

The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. (v. 35)

You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (v. 36)

Here’s one of my favorites from Proverbs 25:

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. (v. 11)

And the Word also says this in Proverbs 25:

Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. (v. 12)

As long as we are aware that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10) then we know a little bit more about how we should be speaking.

BOTTOM LINE: we need to be pursuing God daily by studying the Bible (so we know Him and what to do), praying, listening, and obeying Him.

My guess is that like me, you are less than perfect in this area. 

I have a tendency to let my emotions run away with my mouth sometimes – and in those moments I’m not listening to the Small Still Voice of God, but rather my own flesh. All of these things originate in our thoughts – instead of giving the benefit of the doubt, (keeping no list of wrongs) which, according to research by Shaunti Feldhahn, is the opposite of what “Highly Happy” married people do,  we’re listening and obeying the voice of the accuser.

Maybe like me, you fail to take every thought captive and tame it to obedience to Christ. 

Maybe like me, sometimes you get wrapped up in the emotion of the moment and the peace of Christ is completely forgotten.

Or maybe, like me, you sometimes confuse being good with being nice. If that’s you, this article and it’s follow up from Sheila Wray-Gregoire, and this from Gary Thomas addressing why men won’t change need to be prayed about and thought through.

Seriously – take the time to read the above if your marriage is difficult – and if you’re struggling with trying to respect and have boundaries, join us in the Strength & Dignity eCourse. It’s free and open for enrollment through April.

Regardless of what you are dealing with, we are still called to be Christ-like in our interactions with others. 

Understand as well, that the lack of nurturing in a primary relationship can result in trauma – but the good news is you can be healed from that. The “Kingdom of Heaven” is Christ in us in THIS Now – creating a life full of knowing Him, obeying Him, trusting Him, dwelling in His peace – until we forget or run into an area where we aren’t fully healed. The “Kingdom of Heaven” is NOT a destination – it’s in THIS Now and it’s the only way we’ll have His Spirit interacting for us in moments when we’d otherwise speak words that are unwholesome and tear others down.

Christ in us will speak the Truth, lovingly, gently, kindly. 

May we all be on our face today for more of Him and less of us! 🙂 In Him, we have the fruit of the Spirit. Dare you today to check your interactions. I’m doing it too – looking for fruit…not squelching the Spirit, destroying the Kingdom of God.

Galatians 5:19-26

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

What about you? How do your past hurts interfere with your Now? Have you had moments of interaction where supernatural kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc., showed up (fruit of the Spirit)?

Would love to hear from you today! What “A-Ha!’s” do you have? Is there anything I missed?  Be sure to check out Backyard Missionary’s post about this week’s dare. 🙂

Love to you,


One more thing?

It’s not a small thing.

And I KNOW – you are probably tired of hearing me talk about BOOT CAMP. BUT seriously, if you lead women’s studies, and you want to do marriage ministry that makes a crazy wild lasting difference, you need to pray about joining us for Boot Camp.

We have marriage and family ministry for you – ministry that makes a difference – it’s His, but it’s amazing, and we’d love to help you grow as a leader – and make a greater impact in the neck of the woods He’s entrusted to YOU.

I’d like YOU to pray about Boot Camp – September 7-12, 2016. More info HERE. And through MAY 15, you and a friend can BOTH get a discount with the code bringafriend2016 – save $50 each! NOTE: room and board included – see details!

Know too, that we barely cover the expenses for it, and none of us get paid for putting it on.

If you won’t go, whom will He send?

But maybe you shouldn’t go. Here’s more on the reasons you should NOT attend Boot Camp.

This is different – it’s becoming part of a ministry that has a lasting effect, a dramatic impact – a discipleship method that deepens a woman’s relationship with God, her husband, and others – and over 95% of our participants say so! 

And just so you know, we have a team of people across 5 states – and none of us, myself included, make any money off of any of what we do.

It’s not about that for us.

I recently discovered that many of the same elements in Celebrate Recovery and AA (two proven programs) are in Daughters of Sarah. There’s a touch of them in RD, too, especially if you do the videos and the small group experience. The training method is unlike anything else you’ve probably done. Okay, I’ll stop now.

I get excited.  The women that keep coming back do so because they LOVE what they see God doing, too. 

And if your passion is HELPING PARENTS of tweens & teens – we have ministry for you, too!

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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

One thought on “If you can’t say something nice…

  1. “What about you? How do your past hurts interfere with your Now?” . . . . . . To me, and for me, past hurts drive everything, as you say above “the lack of nurturing in a primary relationship” resulted in serious trauma and while we can be healed from that, it often takes psychoanalytical work because we probably have to get to the real reasons. Unwholesome words, bitterness, anger, hate, greed, ungodly lusts are symptoms of real issues. I would guess they have to do from love not being applied (what you call nurturing in a primary relationship). The symptoms (unwholesome words, bitterness, anger, etc.) are a solution to the problem but they are not the problem. They are a really, totally inadequate solution to the real problems. The symptoms are something but they are not that something. Unless we excavate, understand and heal the BIG OTHERS, we will, as you say, “always carry areas where we aren’t fully healed.” Symptoms are never just secondary failures or distortions of a basically sound System—they are indicators that there is something “rotten” (antagonistic, inconsistent) in the very heart of the System. That is what happens when you don’t heal old hurts. They just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with them.

    “Have you had moments of interaction where supernatural kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc., showed up (fruit of the Spirit)?” Yes, and they are what heals everyone. . . . .If not, all emotions, even those that are suppressed and unexpressed, have physical effects. Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking time bombs—they are illnesses in incubation.

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