Self Respect WHILE Respecting Others

Something is missing from our viral lists of 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband, and 101 Ways to Love Your Wife – it’s a list of 101 Ways to Respect Yourself. We shy away from this topic in Christiandom because we think it breeds selfishness – and it might – but to ignore it breeds doormats.

At our small group the other night, I listened to a speaker talk about parenting 2-7 year olds… he had the audacity to say things like, “If you’ve given your 7 year old a cell phone, guess what? YOU SCREWED UP!” 

And, my personal favorite of his comments went something like this:

 “If you’re constantly picking up after everyone, doing all the cleaning, making sure the kids assignments are in the backpacks, taking care of everyone’s needs and are exhausted, guess what? You’re NOT teaching anyone SELF RESPECT.”

No kidding.

And let’s not forget that Jesus ate when He was hungry, and slept when He was tired. The phrase “as you love yourself” in the Great Commandment is debated as meaning either:

  • who is similar to you
  • the way you love yourself, or
  • in the same good way as you love yourself

So I’m working on a list. And I’m going to make it related to others as well, lest we all become narcissists.

Feel free to add some of your favorite ways to RESPECT others & yourself in the comment section! 🙂

I’m also praying I don’t rile anyone up and hope folks will check out some of my other posts before I get assaulted for not talking about respecting your husband. 🙂 Please know I’m not advocating walking away from God. If I’m talking about the color blue, it doesn’t mean I no longer like peaches. If you are worried, check this post about submission in marriage.

I’m still shocked I’m even writing on this topic, but yes, our culture needs to understand that a woman is not contemptuous simply by having a different opinion than her husband – the way she expresses that can be dripping with contempt, sure, but that’s also not what I’m talking about today. Young wives especially need encouragement to take care of themselves and use as many life hacks as possible.

Failure to do so will help you end up like this discouraged woman here.

Anyway, chime in with your own suggestions today. 🙂


What about you? What thoughts do you have on this topic today? Can’t wait to interact with you about them!

Love to you,



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10 thoughts on “Self Respect WHILE Respecting Others

  1. Self-talk is a big part of self-respect. How many of us talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to our husbands or our children? Unfortunately, I would sometimes even say these things out loud to myself in front of my children. My daughter would say, “Mom, you aren’t stupid, you just made a mistake.” I cringe at the things I modeled in front of my children. I can give grace to the other people in my life. I don’t expect them to be perfect, but I have unreasonable expectations for myself. I am slowly learning to stop the negative self talk and remind myself of what God’s word says about me instead.

    • Elizabeth,
      ―I think you are spot on . We drop an egg on the floor: What a #?%$@ idiot!” When our best friend smashes an egg on the floor, mmmm ‘okay? Be cool, be “Christ-like” . . . . . Our self-talk is the channel of behavior change (i.e. we can’t change while inhaling the poison of our own breath, in infinite repetition) . . . So, are we actually trying to get our self-talk to a place where we are not judging OR praising (―like not doing either?) ―Sort of a . . .things just are, we don’t judge or praise? Re: Do nothing out of selfish ambition, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Phil 2:3 ―And if that is true, why is it so important not judge our emotions? Is it that if we judge our emotions we just shut them down? ―Or we can’t accept our feelings as well if we are judging them? ―Or is it if we do not judge, it is more likely that we can fully understand what’s going on? ― inshallah!!! Rebecca. . . . that’s a lot of questions. . . . . . . Also, even if you don’t say it, I bet your precious daughter is smart enough to read it right from your face. So, we have to control this from really deep within? How can we get through to ourselves? I know this is important because if this inner and critical voice has kept us “safe” for many years as your inner voice of authority, we may end up not being able to hear the real voice of God.

        • RE: We don’t get through to ourselves. 🙂 He does.
          RE: Father’s Love Letter Extended Narration

          Nina . . . ―That’s not fair!!! . . . crying with tears streaming down my face. . . That bypassed my head and went straight to my heart. I flat out admit that I let my emotions hijack my intellect. ―Wow, that is so, so beautiful! I just love it ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ so very much. . . . . All the wonderful parts of the Word of God rolled into one!!!!. . . Thank you my Heavenly Father for your Amazing Love for all of us. Take full control and stay in our hearts forever and be our self-respect. Be our self-respect, ―how exquisite!

          • His love isn’t fair, is it?

            Thank God. 🙂

            And, OH AMEN. 🙂 It’s wild, untamed, passionate and excessive. His love is the absolute best. 🙂

            • No it isn’t fair. . . To me, it is always love that gets us to live at our holiest NOT fear. I can’t even imagine how much my life would change if I always trusted that I was loved by God!!! So maybe I start saying to myself: “Rebecca, many times you are a wayward, foolish child. —But He loves you! Rebecca, you have disobeyed and grieved Him so many thousand times. —But He loves you! . . . .Rebecca, sometimes you do not love Him, . . . oh it is worse, you are even angry with Him! —But, Rebecca, —He loves you! Come and discover a love you don’t have to work for!!!” —WooHoo!!! It is always love that gets us to live at our holiest NOT fear. . . . . Or as you say: “wild, untamed, passionate and excessive.” . . . —And I bet you feel that when you are praying and worshiping because I know I do!!!

  2. This is something I’m learning slowly. I’m married to a man who suffers from bipolar. For 24 years I’ve poured my whole being into him and neglected myself a lot. We need to take time for ourselves, speak for ourselves and yet be respectful at the same time. Sometimes life changes into something you never expected. We need to be able to go with the change, but never lose our respect for pur partner or ourselves.

  3. “. . . .a woman is not contemptuous simply by having a different opinion than her husband.”

    Contemptuous??? —It is slavery, not to speak your thoughts. Christ set us free. Silence will not protect you. Christ made us free to speak our minds and our hearts without having to worry that our husbands will crucify us, other men will crucify us, other women will crucify us, or our children will be ashamed… We are still in emotional bondage to Satan as long as we feel we have to make a choice between having a different opinion or being heard and living for Christ. Our fear of speaking up is 100% dependent on us for its survival.

    . . . . Choose to make loving-self-care a priority. Choose to give yourself permission to get all of Christ’s love you need. —He loves you!!! You have the greatest value. He gave His life for all your worth (Matthew 10:31). Be kind to yourself. Operationalize the respect Christ has for you and others will respect you too. Self respect, self worth can’t be gotten by looking outside Christ for our value.

  4. Just a couple from me that I had to be taught, cause I had along the way thought self care equaled selfishness..

    1. It’s ok to take a few minutes in the morning to take a shower, brush your hair and get dressed. I went through a phase where I only showered once or twice a week and felt guilty doing that cause I thought I should be doing a ton of other things instead, wow,

    2. It’s not selfish to make time in your day to spend with the LORD, in fact it’s essential!

    3. It’s ok to admit you are tired, need a break, or need help with something, we don’t have to be superwoman phew.

    4. It’s ok to focus on your strengths and praise the LORD for the gifts He has given you rather than focusing on your weak points and berating yourself for not being someone else.

    Ok that’s a few I have learned. I agree this is an important topic Nina, I was a codependent, doormat of a woman for a long time and it took a Godly Titus 2 woman coming up beside me to teach me even basic things like its ok to take a shower every morning! It’s a needed topic. The enemy wants to push us off the narrow path,and he’s content to push us too far (into the gutter) in either direction to either to being legalistic, fearful and thinking anything we do for ourself is selfishness and living under condemnation or to the other side where we are living in a narcissitic mindset and are totally focused on ourselves and living for the flesh.

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