Initiate… and Respect Dare #38

Got Sex?

dishing judgment

1 Corinthians 7:5

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I’ve received some challenging feedback about Dare 38.

A few women bloggers, and even a male pastor, took issue with my suggestion to “initiate intimacy.”

Apparently, (and I guess this is a relatively common teaching – I had no idea) they believe that our  role as women is to receive – and while I don’t disagree with the concept of receiving our husband’s advances, I do take issue with the notion that reception is the ONLY thing we are to do.

Clearly, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says not to “deprive each other” – it doesn’t say anything about wives alone. “Each other,” seems to communicate either person can instigate.

One of the reviewers on Amazon took me to task for the “low drive” comment in the dare, as if “low” were a negative thing. When talking about states of arousal, “low” relates to the rate or speed of arousal. The bottom line is most men are “high” or “quick” and most women are “low” or “slow” – and there’s nothing negative about that. I fully believe God created women the way He did to cause men to need to be more empathetic, sensitive, gentle, etc. I know many take issue with there being differences between men and women, and I agree that generalities don’t always speak to the specifics, but I will tell you that “most” and “average” are real things. Take a short lesson on statistics and you’ll find that there are elements of commonality in sex drive, and  in nearly everything else for that matter, even though the bell curve doesn’t apply to all circumstances.

At any rate, I continue to marvel at the things people (Christians) will take others to task over, and how the Word is maligned – it seems to me we have a ton of freedom to listen to the Holy Spirit regarding our specific individual circumstances. Churches that teach black and white laws create much dysfunction in well-intentioned people just trying to obey and bring glory to God.

What about you? What have you been taught? And is that different than what you practice or believe? Why or why not?

Love to you,


Something else you might enjoy about marital intimacy – when he wants to and you just don’t.


OH!! I almost forgot – a bit of news for you for tomorrow if you like eBooks… you can grab the below from CBD for cheaps. 🙂


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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

9 thoughts on “Initiate… and Respect Dare #38

  1. I have no problem with the idea of women initiating a sexual encounter. I have, in the last year or so, had discussions with other women who have the same challenge I do – when we intentionally initiate physical encounters more often, our husbands assume that our love tanks are full and they actually show LESS love initially. Thankfully, in my case and for all the other women in a similar situation that I’ve chatted with, the men in our lives have eventually become more loving. But no one warned us we would live through a bit of a famine first.

  2. My hubby and I have a very full and active sex life, and both of us initiate, we know when to not push the issue, if one of us is exhausted or just not in the mood, isn’t that what respect is? I can’t believe some of the negative feedback you’ve got, a man and woman’s love and intimacy is such a beautiful, spiritual and sacred connection, and mutual attraction is a gift not something to shut down. Sounds like some people are either challenged or jealous they’re not “getting pursued” and the enemy will stop marital intimacy at any cost because he knows the power in it, even if we don’t! Go initiate girls!!!!

  3. I was never taught that women should hide their sexual desire for their husband… BUT it was inferred to me that anything out of “normal, missionary style” sex was “dirty”… That led to many a night of shame… Through this and other learning, I have been able to let go and try new things WITH my spouse… I don’t believe God would think I am sinning when we role play or talk about and try to give each other our fantasies… I believe that level of intinmacy and trust is what a healthy marriage is about..
    I still think it is HORRIBLE that women are made to feel dirty or like a whore if she expresses her sexual desire.. With in the confines of a marriage, it is perfectly fine!
    I know my husband loves it when I approach him and when I tell him my secret desires…

    • Thanks for commenting Tiffanie! 🙂 It is a shame that all don’t have the same freedoms within their marriages. Praying for those who need deliverance in this area.

  4. Great post. EVERYONE wants to be desired by their spouse. No really…we want to be loved and desired, warts and all. Initiating when he knows I’m 1)tired every night 2)don’t feel great about my body 3)distracted by the kids in the next room and on and on. Initiating on the woman’s part is good for both of us, cause she needs it more than she realizes 😉 and it means the world to him.

  5. Respect Dare #38…….. I find it, wow I don’t even know what word to use!!! To think that sex is one sided still.
    CRAZY! There is a certain body part on a woman that is for “enjoyment” only. WHY would God give us such a wonder if we were not to enjoy and want sex also?
    I have taken the heat also for teaching and talking about our role as wives. How it is great to show our husbands that we want them as much as they want us.
    I shake my head…….and still declare the truth. God created it for BOTH of us to desire and enjoy!

    • Agreed. I can’t believe a radio show host even confronted me on this…told me I was telling women to lead and usurp their husband’s position in the family! I asked him, “So, how would it make you feel to know your wife really wanted you? Wouldn’t you like it if she pursued a bit?” He stuttered…didn’t answer…

      • Amazing…….how sad! Says a lot about his life. You know my curiosity is going crazy now thank you! 🙂

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