There are many things you can do when you are verbally assaulted, and if you have an angry man you are married to, or you have regular disagreements with people, you are probably wanting to know how to disagree with them without feeling like a doormat.
Or maybe you are still wondering if you are “allowed” to disagree with your husband, according to the Bible.
If you don’t believe the Bible is the Word of God, none of this matters. If you don’t believe Jesus Christ was and is the Son of God, died, rose again, and would do all of it for just YOU, none of this matters, either.
But when you do believe, you aim to please God. You live your life out of a heart of gratitude.
And if you are wondering how to respectfully disagree, check the exchange between me and the guy named, “thehaproject” and then look at the exchange between “Jean” and a number of different women on this post.
And understand if your husband is verbally abusive or beating you, I am not talking to you. You need to get yourself safe. I am speaking to others who are dealing with this.
Here’s the bottom line, based on my observations. Might be Truth, might be worth what you paid for it, which is nothing:
ALL people are deserving of respect, including our husbands. Being disrespectful during conflict, or “standing up for your rights” aggressively, however, FAILS in building relationship and in being heard.
Defensiveness breeds more defensiveness and heightens argument and disagreement.
There is another way. And that’s what The Respect Dare is all about.
Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but delights in airing his own opinions. (Are you listening and trying to understand before you disagree or “call him on it”?)
Proverbs 11:27 He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it. (Are you giving the benefit of the doubt and focusing on common ground, or are you looking to point out how the other person is WRONG?)
Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. (Do you have to solve it NOW, or can you calm down, pray, and then walk through things in a winsome way? Can you wait until God’s timing is right to deal with an issue or must you force the issue in your timing?)
Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. (Notice it doesn’t say to verbally assault him back – we are to treat others the way we want to be treated.)
Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Sometimes we are “thin” in our ability to love well. Our “love muscle” that bears with another is weak.)
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. (We need to mature in our faith, and we need to reflect Christ’s character when we deal with others, and it will help them mature – are we getting in the way of another’s growth because we fail to do this? Arguing and defensive behavior makes other people more defensive.)
Galatians 5:22-23a But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Do you have these fruit in your life? The presence or absence of the fruit of the Spirit is EVIDENCE of our relationship with God. Got fruit?)
And no, we don’t have to be perfect – there’s only ONE Jesus. We will sin and sin and sin until we go Home. But will will also mature, and grow and grow and grow – if God wills it (Hebrews 6:3) and we do our part by studying the Bible daily, asking Him for help in knowing Him, praying, listening, and OBEYING what we are learning.
But here’s the thing – knowing that God wills whether people grow or not – can we recognize that the “immature person” we are dealing with is also there to deepen our faith and sharpen us?
We don’t learn patience, kindness, gentleness, etc., in the easy times, but in the hard moments when it is difficult to do so.
As for me, I find the above verses both convicting and encouraging. And the question I wrestle with sometimes too is this: Do I trust God with this relationship, knowing He means ALL things to work together to grow me up in the faith? In other words, this difficult person is in my life to help me grow in my relationship with the Lord…Do I believe what I say I believe? 🙂
And no, I’m not telling you to be a doormat. 🙂 Check the above links if you still think that.
I know, ouch. 🙂 For me, too, baby, for me too.
Several of you have asked me to write about how to deal with a “mocker” or “fool” or “scoffer” and I’ll be doing that soon. I’m glad you are here and would love to hear what you are thinking about all this today! Will blog on this week’s dare tomorrow. In the meantime, would love to have you subscribe or sign up for TIPS so you don’t miss a single thing! 🙂
Love to you,