I Want To ADD One Thing to Dare Twenty-Seven…

The paper glowed red, smoke spun spiral wisps up into the air, and black charred bits flaked off and fell to the ground.

Was this it?  All the years of hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the silent tears cried alone at night…


The dare said to list all the ways he’s wronged her in the past, and all the things she’s done to hurt him. She was to go to him and apologize for what she has done, but her hurt has to be cast aside and burned?

What kind of one-sided deal is this? This isn’t one-flesh, this is one person bearing the brunt of the marriage, right?

Sort of.

But not quite.

Here’s the scary sad truth…that level of bitterness and resentment? It’s directly proportional to the level of understanding of grace you’ve received from Jesus Himself.

The need to make someone pay, make someone understand the depth breadth and width of how he’s hurt you – that’s the enemy at work.

And I know what that feels like.

It’s the voice in your head that says, “see how he likes being treated that way…” but it never helps.

It’s the anger that spills over into all of our interactions anyway, because revenge and holding onto hurts is just poison for our own souls.

What heals?

Trusting God.

Saying to Him, “I hate that this all happened to me! I hate that I still hurt over these things. I want it to stop. I want to know You so deeply that I can not only forgive him and stop keeping this list of wrongs, but move forward in a healthy way when he hurts me next time.”

Because there will be a next time.

There’s always a next time.

And a woman who has healthfully laid down her pain for God to deal with, laid down her need to be right, laid down her will and accepted, no embraced, that the God of the universe not only knows about these things, but allowed them to occur so she could learn to love understands that she needs to let Him have them back.

She needs His help in forgiving.

And then she needs to move forward.

And so, when he hurts her again, she can say, “I am hurting. I feel (FEELING) that you (FACT without judgment)” ie: “I am hurting. I feel ignored and alone in our marriage when we agreed on a course of action with our son’s birthday present and you purchased something else instead.”

And he’s left to deal with that. With God as his teacher.

I know by the time you get to Dare 27 in The Respect Dare, many of you actually are in that place – especially having seen it modeled in Dare 18, and deepening your relationship with God to the point that this makes such beautiful sense…

But I also know there are women who still don’t get it. They just aren’t there yet in their journey.

Some have just read the book and not actually done the dares, saying, “This is total abuse-inspiring patriarchy.”

WE know that’s not true, but still…

Like last week’s post, seek and ye shall find

So I wish that I had also said all that in Dare 27. I know many of you get it anyway, but still, I wish it were there.

I’m glad you are on the journey. And I have a small announcement that I’m a bit jazzed about… 🙂 I have a new book out. 🙂

12 truths cover

It’s the book we’ll use in the video version of Daughters of Sarah. Our first beta pilot group starts next week. Prayers appreciated! 🙂 We’re drowning in details with the technology set up… and of course there are problems. At any rate, I hope you’ll let me know what you think about the book. 🙂

And if you have a few minutes – we’d LOVE your feedback on the TIPS articles. 🙂 Survey is here. 

Love to you,


titus 2 women leadership

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4 thoughts on “I Want To ADD One Thing to Dare Twenty-Seven…

  1. Nina, you can always add this into your next update for the book! And I can’t wait to see the new one!
    I know that for many women, this is sucha foreign concept. It all was for me. But when I finally submitted to Him, He poured out his blessings upon me! My marriage has been saved, we are on the path to healing.. there are still issues, and mistrust, but it gets better every day. We communicate in a way where we both feel heard and loved. With out this Dare book, I never would have made the changes needed to heal my family

    • Update to myself! LOL… still doing pretty good… I discovered a new hurt just yesterday… Instead of blowing up per my past normal, instead, I chose to PRAY HARD… God asked me to let it go this time, since my husband will already know what he has done is hurtful… BUT if it happens again to speak to him in the manner described above…
      I am hurting… I feel betrayed because I found (the thing I won’t reveal here). I don’t know how to deal with this or you right now, so please just hear what I am saying and I need some time to pray and heal again…

      • Prayers for you – and to yourself, beloved. 🙂 His timing is always perfect. Take as much of it as you need. 🙂 He’ll let you know.
        Love to you,

  2. Thanks so much. This is so helpful. I’m on day 24 and seeing a difference already. Esp in my heart. Praying for you!

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