How Do You REALLY Feel? The Respect Dare Seventeen…

Today’s Dare always gives me pause.

Truth is, when negative sentiment over-ride has created a place within a marriage, the wife often can’t translate what her husband actually DOES into a positive character trait.

Often these folks are headed for separation or divorce and don’t even realize it.

I’ve talked with too many wives who have said, “He goes to work,” and not realized that he’s providing for his family.

Even more that say, “Well, he practices baseball with our son,” and can’t see that he’s trying to be a good dad.

Even more women are seriously stumped when these questions are asked about themselves.

philippians 4 8

Today, I’m daring you (double-dog-style) to ask God to help you live His Word from three verses today:

Philippians 4:8 Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. 

Colossians 3:2 Set your mind on things above, and not on earthly things.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

I added the italics to emphasize one thing: we have some control over what we think about. And if God is going to tell us what to think about, we should pay attention.

So what are YOU thinking about?

Dare to Stop Criticizing

This is one of the few things I know that will change a marriage – how you interpret another.  If you decide he’s all bad, if you think YOU are all bad, then you aren’t seeing what is true – look for the Holy Spirit’s way of seeing things. And no, I’m not saying we’re not sinners in need of a Savior, what I’m saying is that there are reasons that God loves us – and His Spirit within us is good.  LOOK for that. Think about that.

Dare ya. :)

Tomorrow we’ll talk about something even more powerful – because just sharing the positives isn’t going to completely overhaul your marriage – there’s more. :) 

Where are YOU at today with these things? What lies are you believing about yourself or your husband that influence your interactions? Would love to hear from you on these things now – please comment below about where you’re at. :)

Know that I’m personally glad you are on the journey with us. We’re blogging our way through The Respect Dare book and hope you’ll subscribe and pick up the journey with us!

Love to you,

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Comments

  1. Courtney says

    Sadly my marriage ended 2 years ago. I was unfaithful to my husband 15 years ago & he never forgave me. Life after confession was filled with name calling, angry outbursts, and love( only for sex). I continually begged for forgiveness broken inside & out in tears. A year and half ago he said he wanted to reconcile, said God spoke to him that he was to get his family back, but moved on to someone else, but never told me, I had to find out when they sent Christmas gifts to my children. My kids knew about her, but was told to lie. I am blamed for everything and all is my fault. We live 3000 miles apart and it’s very hard because I do love my ex- husband, however after all this, it’s hard to see the good in him. There are so many things I would change of the past if I could, however i feel I will be haunted for the rest of my life and I have lost trust and respect in my children’s father and all men.

  2. tiffanie says

    Jim, We are still working on re-building our trust from last year’s issues. he lacks trust in me for not doing things just like this (which is why I say I blew it) and also thinks I may be unfaithful.. I lack trust in him with his honesty (or lack there of) and faithfulness.
    Its a scary slippery slope. The verses Nina used really spoke to my heart. I have been now praying that I can keep my mind clear and trust in Him that all will work out for my good.. Lose the anxiety as it clearly says to not be.. so getting my brain spinning is sin! The last verse about things that come out of my mouth.. That was a clincher too. God screamed at me that just because its not verbalized didn’t mean I didn’t say it.. I said it with my pen and paper! Prayer daily, daily bible time and listening to my favorite pastor on Pod cast helps keep me grounded. I try to remember to read the blogs I subscribe to also.. The other day I felt prompted to definately read this one.. Glad I listened! It was just what I needed and gave me the right words to appologize. I am happy to report that the incident was short lived. he was a bit upset still that afternoon, but accepted my appology and even told me he has noticed my efforts, but its hard for him when he sees the “old behaviors” again.

    • Jim says

      Tiffanie:

      It sounds like progress is being made! Maybe it’s only a little, or maybe it’s a lot. The main thing is, it’s progress.

      Perhaps this would work for you: Nina has published a “101″ list for wives:
      http://ninaroesner.com/for-wives/101-ways-to-respect-your-husband/

      I can tell you, as a (former) husband, whoever put that list together had a very good understanding of men. You could do specific things on the list, and also study the entire list so as to better your understanding of the needs of your husband.

      Here’s what I plan on doing one day, should God provide me a wife: As soon as we marry, I plan on putting into practice the things on the “101″ list for husbands. After a few months of living it out before her, I will then go to her and show her the list, asking her to let me know how I am doing. I will listen intently and take notes on what she says, and I will then try to do what she says. Perhaps that would work for you.

      God sees your heart, and He knows that you want to do better. Ask Him to help you. Tell Him you can’t do it on your on, and that you need His help, and would He please help you. Since I started praying that prayer, I have seen victory in my personal life that I never thought I would ever see.

      Good luck! We’re all pulling for you!

      Jim

  3. Mara says

    I feel like I’m not only torturing myself with mistakes my husband has made in the past, but torturing him in a way. I just can’t shake off how his infidelities effected the way I feel and see him. My constant struggle is just letting go. I just find myself annoyed because I don’t believe he’s sincere, when he is really trying. How can I work on this with him without making him feel punished?

    • Jim says

      Mara, what you have described is a really tough assignment.

      Here’s what I did recently with a tough assignment of my own. I prayed the following prayer:

      “God, I can’t do this; I am incapable of doing it in my own strength. Please help me. Please give me Your strength, and please give me your victory.”

      I pray this every day, sometimes many times a day.

      I have seen a real breakthrough since I started sincerely praying that.

    • Nina says

      Mara -
      This is the work of the Spirit.

      It’s not a thing we can do on our own, but rather Him in us that can do it. He is responsible for how he feels. :) Not you. And yes, it is the Frozen theme song – “let it go.” And ask God that Col 3:2 and Phil 4:8 become who you are. :)

      Love to you, baby. Glad you are here.
      ~Nina

  4. Kathy says

    Yeah this is stuff I’ve been battling myself for a LONG TIME. Like probably my whole,life – battling against my own thoughts and not thinking with a “cup half full” kind of mentality. Here’s an example, albeit a minor one, but it goes to show you how a little negative thinking could start to poison your day and your relationship little by little.

    I sent a text message to my husband this morning with a bible verse to encourage him and a little message of love. His response seemed rather flat at first and I was disappointed. (I laugh here, because what should I expect from a TEXT??). But I caught my thoughts as they began to build and examined them and the text again from my husband’s shoes. First of all, he is not a flowery, natural romantic. (At least in my love language, which is words). But his response was thank you and he wished me to have a blessed day. And then sent a kiss and a heart emoticon. I choose to accept that as a romantic, flirting gesture and not the lie that satan has for me. I felt better because of it, and keep praying for God to be the watchman of my mind so that I only let good, honourable, praiseworthy things to enter in. AMEN

    • Jim says

      Kathy:

      I believe you’re getting some positive response from your husband.

      Trust me, his response to you was very positive.

      Jim

    • Nina says

      Kathy -
      Welcome to the club. :) We’re a bunch of imperfect women, running towards the goal of Christ-likeness. :) I understand the negative-sentiment over-ride thing – but you are WISE to turn your thoughts over to God, because your husband’s response WAS positive. :) Keep doing that – it works. :) The Truth will set you free from the lies of the enemy as you continue to take every thought captive.
      Love to you,
      ~Nina

  5. says

    I blew it today. I listened to the lie I told myself and accused my husband via a letter left on his desk instead of just praying and then asking my husband. I feel terrible and he even said that this is a step backward and he has lost some trust in me… My heart is breaking. I hate that I keep making these mistakes. I know it hurts him and it for sure hurts me. I have sinned against God with this too..
    I pray my husband accepts my appology and we can keep moving forward…

    • Jim says

      Your husband will accept your apology if he believes that it is sincere. Make sure that you apologize not only for what you said in the letter, but that you did it via a letter.

      Does he trust you? Do what you can to help him trust you, and things will work out fine.

      It may take time, but hang in there.

What do YOU think about these things today?