Alex and Blake had spent most of the day deer hunting, deep in the woods, and after a long, unfruitful hunt, were conversing in the semi-darkness around the campfire.
Alex asked, “Blake, do you ever wonder why women take everything we say so personally?”
Blake replied, “Yep, I do.”
Alex then said, “Yesterday was her birthday. I have been listening to her for weeks picking out clues for a gift. Got her a set of bathroom scales ’cause she had mentioned that she would like a new one. Shoot, now she won’t even talk to me.”
Blake digested Alex’s comment for a few moments, then replied, “Good. Glad I’m not the only one. Thanks for the good word.”
And there you have it.
Effective, efficient, and productive. Just like most conversations held by men. Short, and to the point. Yessirree Bob, we don’t waste time, energy, or gray matter when we engage in a conversation to tackle an important problem like the one portrayed above.
So it’s probably not a news flash to you, the wonderful women that complement and round out the incompleteness that we are, that not only do we not always communicate the way you do, we also do not possess the wisdom to comprehend various dynamics that most of you pose to us. Please know I’m not trying to criticize anyone, but am just trying to be real and transparent, so that we might better deepen our relationships, and become more of the Godly husbands we so desire to be!
To better explain this common conundrum, in a recent Realtime poll of male respondents, the personalization of relatively trivial statements or actions (on our part, of course) often leaves us at a loss for further statements . . . or actions.
What is even more befuddling to us, is that when it is clear that one of you have taken personal offense to what we think makes perfect sense, the resulting inaction is total silence.
You know, the silent treatment. Being frozen out. Nonverbal communication (very chilly and unfuzzy ) rather than the verbal kind that makes a whole lotta sense to us!
If there are words spoken by you, our brides, they often resemble something like, “If you can’t figure out why I’m upset, then there is no point in discussing it.” Then as our pea-sized brains begin to process what was just told to us, panic and frustration begin to set in, and you might then see us, arms bent upward, palms facing the sky, with an are you kidding me? expression on our faces. Sometimes we truly are at a loss!
See, we really are a different breed than you. Not necessarily a different species, but more like people from a different country. We resemble one another physically (somewhat), but speak totally foreign languages, and lack some of the cultural understanding of the other.
Want to know how we view ourselves? Thought you’d never ask :p
We, the men in your lives, are fixers. We are plumbers, hunters, electricians, carpenters, and protectors of the things that go bump, clang, honk-honk, rattle-rattle, or beep-beep in the night. Someone has to go through us to get to you or our families. And if they dare try, they had better be ready for a fight! For we are fighters too. We fight all that is evil in the world in order to make it a better place for you. Yes, we are the ones willing to swim the highest oceans, and climb the deepest seas to ensure that you are not only aware of our total dedication to you, but as well, our undying commitment to those that we love.
Yes? Maybe? Hopefully? OK, maybe that description is not all that realistic all of the time, but it’s what we want to be to you. And in those moments of utter helplessness, when we know we must have done something really stupid, but can’t connect the dots, we are likely to throw our hands up in frustration, or just simply walk away. Truthfully, that is probably more in an effort to avoid escalating the issue, rather than completely giving up on it. Or you.
So when we find ourselves in situations we can’t fix, and feel completely stalled out in our journey to be The Man, – God’s Man, we step out of our box of comfort, and ask you humbly:
Why IS it that women seem to take relatively “impersonal” comments or actions personally?
And, how might we go about improving our communication with you when this DOES happen?
We gallantly await your reply!!!
It is OUR hope that we ALL . . .
Today’s post is from an online friend of mine, Kyle Hargrove.
Kyle Hargrove is a Licensed Professional Counselor/Supervisor located in Fort Worth, Texas. He has been in private practice for almost 20 years, and is the owner/operator of Freedom Texas Coaching and Counseling. Kyle is a licensed and ordained minister, writer, and has spoken at family and men’s conferences from coast to coast. He is the founder of Stonegate Center, a 90-Day Residential Drug and Alcohol Treatment Center in the Fort Worth area.
But the thing he says about himself that impresses me the most?
“There’s really not much that’s all that special about me . . .”
You’ve heard me say that too, and I don’t know whether it is original, or just a cohesive thought many believers have about themselves – or whether I stole it from Kyle… But when he says it, he means it the same way I do – that we’re imperfect, sinful, but members of an awesome family and our Dad is the King. So I’d encourage you to interact with him here or over at his blog, RealTime. He’ll be checking in throughout the day to dialogue with you about the above question!
Love to you,