The marriages all start out the same – big party, gobs of joy, intense happiness.
And about 2-3 years in, I’m getting a phone call or email from the bride.
She’s lost her joy and wondering what to do about it.
I know when it happened to me, I was surprised, shocked, and miserable. I literally thought I had married the wrong person.
Thankfully, I was wrong about that!
We spend a lot of time talking about how to walk through our marriage in a way God intends for us here, and there are many things one should consider before getting married…
These are just a few that jumped off the page to me today.
Three things you should know if you are considering marriage:
- 1 Corinthians 7:28 lets you know you will have trouble if you get married – someone in your life might be trying to tell you that. You should listen. The way you feel now is going to “wear off” as the “infatuation stage” dissipates for nearly all couples sometime between 6 months and 18 months after marriage. Yeah, I know, you’re probably young, believe it won’t happen to you, and because your frontal lobe (the part of your brain that facilitates common sense) isn’t fully developed until ages 25-27, you think you know better. Okay. Come back in a few years. I’ll be praying for you.
- You should not get married to someone who does not follow Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 is pretty clear – and understand, when you have the “trouble” mentioned above, it’s worse when your husband or wife doesn’t have faith as a basis for decision making. We see this frequently – it’s worth talking about and making certain you and your future spouse will have the same foundation upon which to do life.
- Check your spouse’s level of anger before you get married. Proverbs 22:24-25 tells you not to even associate with someone easily angered – these folks are not just contagious as the verse says, but immature – you’ll become like them. Understand that what causes someone to get angry is a significant reflection of a person’s character and maturity. This means be engaged for at least two years like Dr. Kevin Leman recommends, so you can see your potential mate in a number of different circumstances. Know you can’t change this person, btw. If parents who have known and cared for him/her better than you do at the moment haven’t been able to facilitate growth for this person, what makes you think you can change him or her? It doesn’t happen – and if this is a 2nd or 3rd marriage for either of you, understand that your chances of success are even less likely, statistically speaking. Listen to your friends and family. They aren’t caught up in infatuation.
What about you? How have you dealt with some of these things? I know some of us married unbelievers and angry men anyway, and many of us are dealing with the troubles!
And God is good all the time, isn’t He? He means it for our good – so how has good come out of your situation? Dare you to share today, and maybe join us by subscribing as we journey through The Respect Dare together, learning how we can turn things around and find our joy again. We’re on Dare 14 this week, but we’re just doing one a week, so just jump in – you’ll get caught up in no time!
If you are parenting small people, you should totally follow Leah and Debbie if you have tweens, teens, or twenty-somethings. Like us on Facebook so you can know when Daughters of Sarah becomes available in video format this year. I’m also active on Twitter as @NinaRoesner. Come join the discussion!
And PLEASE keep us in our prayers as we walk through the next steps of finishing the work for the video version of Daughters of Sarah!! We’re back in the studio this week. I can speak to large groups of people, but the camera… not my favorite!
Love to you,