I had the lunge line in one hand, the end of the rope in the other.
I quietly told my horse to lunge (walk a circle) around me to the left.
She did this.
Then she sprung into the air, and started to gallop.
Mane tossed in the wind.
Eyes wide. Both of ours.
My throat tight.
Her head tosses.
She’s going too fast – too much energy – too close – I can’t control her…
Oh, yes, I remember this feeling.
Tears. Why TEARS??!?
I don’t know what to do.
Several nights ago…
Talking about something I can’t share here. (I’m sorry, but there are boundaries…I hope you understand.)
I confide…”I feel A when B happens (that thing he does that slays me)… and I don’t know what to do.”
I learn something new.
But there’s more.
I confide… “I can’t go there now… I’m not ready to talk about it. Yet.”
And Dare 8. STUPID DARE 8.
Gottman’s research reveals couples in trouble rewrite their history. They forget there were ever good times. They think they’ve never had sex 3 times a week. They forget why they married each other in the first place. They can’t remember ANYthing good.
And satan wins.
My horse trainer, an incredibly smart man who reads people and horses brilliantly and is truly a gift from God…he helped that day.
And I took the first step by being responsible for my fear. For my failure. For my lack of knowing.
(Oh, please, understand I’m not bragging… this is but a rare moment I sensed I got it right)
And I asked for help.
I was truthful.
I told him I was afraid. Nearly in tears, I told this man I barely know but respect so very much and trust with my life… on his horse (he’s amazing, he literally gives Annie to me for this part of our journeys) … I told him the Truth.
I told him I was afraid.
I told him what happened.
And he took her, lunged her, rode her, and then had me do the same thing.
And I wasn’t afraid in the middle.
At the beginning… YES.
OH. Hell YES. (don’t be offended. hell is real, fear is from the enemy, and this is a real victory story so don’t get upset with me over this).
But in the middle, no.
And at the end, no.
Because we only overcome and grow in the middle of the fears we face at the moment we face them.
And that night…
The one where I confided in my husband?
Shared and was vulnerable…
And he revealed things I didn’t know about him.
22+ years of marriage plus 5 years of friendship before that…
And I learned a new thing about this man.
And no, I can’t share it. So respect that, okay? It doesn’t matter to you.
But for us, fear was faced, and progress made.
Because in that moment of fear, I asked myself, actually felt God asking, “What is this fear?”
And it was one I could reveal. Chose to reveal.
Even with tears.
And the relationship with the horse? And the husband?
So don’t re-write your history.
And pray…pray HARD… through Dare 8.
Because the enemy wants you to remember…
but only the bad…
Thanks for being on the journey with me.
Am deeply wondering today how these things strike you… where are YOU in this journey? Can you confide? Are you afraid to try…or rewriting history yourself? What is God doing? Dare you to share with us…we promise to pray…
And if you are parenting small people, you should totally follow Leah and Debbie if you have tweens, teens, or twenty-somethings. Like us on Facebook so you can know when Daughters of Sarah becomes available in video format this year, or schedule one of our weekend retreats. I’m also active on Twitter as @NinaRoesner. Come join the discussions!
Love to you,