She stood in the dark kitchen, penning a note to her husband.
I mis-spoke last night. I’m sorry I snapped at you and pitched a fit over the issue. Please forgive me for not speaking respectfully and losing self-control. I was wrong. I will try to not do it again. Let’s talk more about it tonight after work, okay?
She’d come a long way.
Instead of being defensive or accusatory, she was focused on her own behavior, doing what was right in God’s sight. She had not gone to bed angry, but instead she was prayerful about how to deal with the conflict.
She knew he was also wrong. He had also lost his cool and spewed forth words of ill-will, but instead of focusing on that, she left it up to God and her husband to work out between themselves.
And rather than point fingers, rather than issue judgment or blame and cast more stones of sin herself, she chose to take the high road.
This is the road called, “Calvary.” It’s a road marked with perseverance, difficulties, suffering, and righteousness. It’s stained with the blood of the Savior and many tears of His followers. It’s a road where our very obedience begins to connect us to God – and then the peace He promises begins to fill us, and our identity is no longer wrapped up in another’s opinion, but rather in God’s opinion alone.
The first step, before being able to speak truth in a respectful way seems to begin to obey and listen to God – often resulting in a good deal of silence with our husbands. Don’t be tempted by the enemy to view this step as being a second class citizen or a doormat, but rather look at it as learning to listen to God.
We might sound crazy to you, but we believe God is always speaking – and we can learn to hear Him by obeying His Word (the bible) and by being open to what He’d have us do in the middle of the moments of any given day.
Yes, the Creator of the Universe wants a relationship with you, with us, and we’re either completely crazy, or we hear God.
And we want you to join us. God encourages us in Ephesians 5:33 to respect our husbands – unconditionally. Here’s why.
Our gal above gets this. She knows the Father. She started with her issues. And yes, she does learn how to respect herself, as well, but we don’t start there – that one often comes off as pride if we haven’t learned a bit of “laying it down,” first.
James 5:16 ESV
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Matthew 5:23-24 ESV
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
We dare you to take the Respect Dare journey.
We dare you to subscribe to this blog as we journey together, figuring out these things one step at a time, together.
We dare you to daily actively choose to not take things personally, to become okay with more conflict, to learn to handle it and do other hard things well, and to do so in community with other women.
We dare you to focus on your own obedience first, getting to know what respect looks like, instead of focusing on controlling/changing the people around you. Double dog dare you to do this in community with us in the e-course, on Facebook, or in a small community of your own with a small group guide.
…and if you do, it can connect you with God like you’ve never been before.
I really hope you’ll join us. Triple dog dare you to do it even if you are scared! Bravery isn’t a lack of fear, but rather doing the thing you are afraid of doing.
Joshua 1:9 NIV
Have I not commanded you? Be bold and courageous, do not be discouraged, do not be afraid; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Perhaps NOW is just the time to change your marriage and how you feel about yourself?
What’s YOUR Respect Resolution for 2014? Dare you to commit by commenting below! We’d love to hear from you – we’d also love for you to join us.
Love to you,