What’s All The Fuss about Miley??

In the wake of Miley Cyrus’ activities of late, many are discussing modesty and cultural norms for women.


The church is being both criticized for being restrictive and rules-based, and simultaneously hailed for helping young girls navigate these waters. The secular culture is also criticized for promoting self-debasing activities and fashion for women, and hailed for promoting freedom of expression and discovery of self.

So today, I ask you, “What’s true?”

I’m particularly interested in the responses and advice for those of you with older daughters – what did you teach them, how old are they now, how have they defined “modesty” and how important is it to them? How are they representing this concept in their day to day life?

And for the rest of us, is modesty a concept that even matters in this day and age? Why or why not?

I’m looking for a deeper answer than, “Because God says so.”

I realize that is enough for some, but for many – even those who claim to follow Christ, it’s just not enough. There are many out there in this day and age who say they follow Him, yet challenge Biblical Truths. I’m not having a problem with those who want to have intelligent discussion about what the Bible says, or how it says it, I talking about those who simply disagree that it is true or relevant today.

Please know I allow no judgment at all here, and am just interested in respectful dialogue. So please don’t issue condemnation or your comment will get deleted. And if you’ve made mistakes, please feel free to share them in an effort to help others. If you’ve “got it right” or your parents did, please let us know how and why.

Also know that I FULLY believe that ALL women who have kids deeply love them – and are doing the best they can with what they have available to them at the time. I also believe God is big enough to more than handle the mistakes we have made and will make in the future.

So now it’s YOUR turn…

So glad you are on the journey with us!

Can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

Love to you,

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Comments

  1. says

    My mother is raising 5 daughters in this day and age and for that I commend her. She has done an amazing job! I think the biggest thing you can do is to start at a very young age to make sure your kids know that what you wear and how you act can hurt people if you are not careful. And with older, more rebellious children, it really helps if you just dont make a big deal out of it! Trust me, it will make it worse. If I tried to tell you everything that my other did to teach us modesty, it would take an eternity. But to be honest, it really did come down to, “this is what the Bible says, we don’t need another reason.” And if you can’t deal with that I think you may need to examine your heart.

  2. says

    The root of immodesty could be many things but one I believe is in all reality- deeply and sincerely ‘they just want to be pretty’….. And some will go to All “extremes” to “feel” it!! I know, because I was once one of ‘them’.
    I wrote a little about that here:- https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/11/05/they-just-want-to-be-pretty/

    And Yes, A LOT of it has to do with our culture, our society, and our crazy Sex-addicted world we unfortunately live in But I also believe daddyless-ness contributes to immodesty and helps it to grow and fester. And not only Not having a dad but also having a dad around but him not acting like a dad, him not being a dad…. Which I write about here:- https://songsofintimacy.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/all-she-ever-really-wanted-was-a-daddy/

    But I am also an example of a girl who did not grow up with any modesty boundaries but thanks to God that He saved me and taught me that modesty was and most importantly WHY it was so beautiful.! My parents couldn’t teach me because sadly they had no clue themselves. I remember my dad trying at times but just saying no you can’t wear that or No your not going out like that does Not get to the root of the problem! Maybe if he had sat me down talked to me and shared his heart with me that I was too beautiful to offer myself so cheap, or that how I present myself to boys is exactly how they will treat me. In other words (please excuse my “straight up” language) “If I dress like a whore/hoochy than-that is how guys/boys will see me and treat me. And you know what maybe I would’ve rolled my eyes, maybe I would’ve sneered at him..blah blah blah.. but maybe I wouldn’t have!! Maybe I would’ve kept that deep inside me and clung to it. But sadly he didn’t and sadly so so many dads don’t either.Breaks my heart to see so many girls and women feel and even believe that they ‘have’ to dress or act a certain way just to feel beautiful. Just to gain attention. But I don’t judge because that most certainly used to be me. But I write a lot about it at this blog:- http://www.songsofintimacy.wordpress.com
    And I also love to share my story and hope that it touches even one girl. Because I know how it feels to be a young teen girl and just want and need to feel pretty and crave and hunger attention. I know how it is to give yourself away either physically or simply by revealing my body even if it wasn’t purposely.
    I don’t know maybe my comment could be used If anyone reading has a young daughter that struggles with this. Know that it is not something that she will grow out of, its not just a phase. Because I believe If it hadn’t been for God’s mercy to save me and change me I probably more than likely would have still beenl a twenty something woman “giving myself away” for temporary attention and a few moments of “feeling pretty”.
    The root is where the problem lies.

    Thanks Nina for bringing up this topic.

    ~~songsofintimacy

  3. htriggert says

    This is an age old struggle for women. All around us we are bombarded with society’s version of beauty and appeal. The world does a great job at making women feel like they never measure up. Our teeth are not straight or white enough, our clothes are not in style, we are too fat or too thin, and the list goes on. I have tried to build in my girls a strong sense of self by making them feel empowered through sports, academics, reading, art and music. To teach them our value as a person is not what is on the outside (beauty and sex appeal) but in how we treat others and use our personal gifts from God. If their clothing / hair style/ beauty choices make them feel empowered I encourage that but only if it is within the guidelines of what my husband and I deem appropriate for their age and our household. We have many discussions on how clothing choices can send the wrong message to the opposite sex. I’ve also asked them what is more important – having someone interested in me for who I am inside or the outside? Most important is constant dialogue with our daughters on what real beauty is — and it certainly is not found in photo shopped pictures in magazines or skimpy clothing.

  4. says

    My oldest daughter is 8, I’m about to begin the book Secret Keeper Girl 8 Great Dates for Moms & Daughters. It is about beauty, fashion, and modesty I’m pairing it with American Girl “The Care And Keeping Of You” (which is kind of a modest sex ed book).

    I haven’t done them yet, but I’ve heard good things about them and am excited to begin them.

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