Got Help?

There were three periods in my life where I prayed consistently for patience for several weeks at a time.

I don’t know about you, but I can be a little slow in learning.

It took me nearly six years to figure out that every time I prayed for patience, I got pregnant.

I stopped asking.

Three kids later, you can see that God has changed me, and I am seriously more patient than I used to be…although there’s still room for improvement.

And, no, I won’t be praying for patience again anytime soon…(that’s an attempt at humor)

So in Genesis 2, in verse 18, it says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not god for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

And then the next thing God does is bring all the animals He’s made to the man. He doesn’t just whip up Eve for Adam.

I love this.

It displays the kind of self-control I wish I had all the time.

Oh, yes, and patience.

But God brought all the animals, including birds, to Adam to name.

Adam has a problem he isn’t even aware of (loneliness) and God gives him a project.

Ever have a problem, need God’s intervention, know exactly what you would do, and yet He shows up with something completely different?? Adam’s alone, bring on the animals…

So how stinkin’ looooooooooooonnnnnnnnnng does it take to name ALL of the kinds of animals? And God knows that Adam is going to notice somewhere along the line that all these animals are paired up. Couple-style.

And then he’ll name about a gobzillion more animals, and realize that HE doesn’t have one of these smaller, sweetly different creatures.

But everyone else does.

Granted, they’re animals… but still.

I’m still wondering how long this would take. I wonder, too, if at the end, if Adam got so tired of naming that he started coming up with lame-sauce names like, “cat,” because he couldn’t think of any more cool words like “giraffe,” and “armadillo,” …and was “lion” actually a loud yawn?

Could be…

I mean, seriously. We just got a new puppy – and it took nearly a week for us to land on a name for her.

I’m thinking this might have taken even months for Adam…

And THEN, in verse 20, “But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

And because Adam 1) realized his need, and 2) was excited about God filling it the way God did, he says, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

I heard a comedian years ago say that when Adam woke up, he went, “WO!! MAN!!” and that’s how we were named.

I can see Adam being seriously ecstatic about us being a gift to him from God.

Bet you can, too.

So the man is to leave home, leave his parents, emotionally, physically, and make his wife his priority – they are the “A” team.

And the thing I love best? God patiently worked through how he was going to work through this situation with a man whom He created to not immediately see “the obvious.” He thought about His communication – and He communicated through action instead of words.

The other thing I love is that God solves situations in His way – which is always the best way.
Adam would not have appreciated Eve, had God not revealed the problem in a creative way to Adam. He could have just told Adam, but He wanted to create in Adam a desire for what God knew he needed.

Dare you to do the same with your husband – even if it frustrates you… which, btw, may I lovingly and gently say that our frustrations are more a reflection of our own character than someone else’s? I know, ouch, and I’m talking about myself here, too. Trust God – He knows what your husband needs, and He will reveal it to him. He might even use us in the process – know that if “help” shows up in a creative way, through action instead of words, through something tangible, through motivating him positively instead of condemning him, it’s probably something God wants us to do.

Know there’s no “formula” for this – sometimes help looks like keeping a bad outcome from occurring, sometimes help looks like allowing consequences…

Sometimes, God solves situations in ways we would never expect, in ways that only He could orchestrate, without our help or involvement at all. But we have to deeply know Him to get these things right. His way is always the right way, even if it doesn’t look like what WE would have chosen.

In The Respect Dare and Daughters of Sarah, we a lot talk about being a “helper” to our husbands. We remind women that this doesn’t diminish us, but rather that our men are lacking in something special and we fill that need. Do you see the difference?

It’s easy to see how that beauty within God’s creation can get distorted by the world, and even by unhealthy Christian teaching. I’ve literally heard some Bible teachers tell women that “help” entails only domestic support activities, like ironing and preparing food. While I like providing domestic support to my husband, there are a TON of other ways to provide “help.” I might point out that God wired our men to want to help us, too – that natural problem solving thing? Wired into their brains. Good stuff.

So stop believing the lies that women are second-class citizens in marriage or anywhere else.

What about you? What does “help” look like between you and your husband? What do you think about these passages? Can you be a Titus woman today and give an example?

Thankful to be on the journey with you!

Love to you,


  1. says

    lol @ “I heard a comedian years ago say that when Adam woke up, he went, “WO!! MAN!!” and that’s how we were named.” I have never seen this comedian, but i have thought and said the same thing! funny!
    Thanks for a great blog Nina :)

  2. Elizabeth says

    Great blog. I see helping as standing by my husband through his epilepsy. It is a hard hall sometimes, but God does give strength and help.

  3. says

    Working together is what help looks like. It also looks like time together with one supporting the other. And helping looks like us praying for each other, even when we are not helping or offering help.

    A good example of ‘not what you think’ helping is me working with my cows. They respond better when it is just me. My husband wants to help. His help is keeping an eye on things so that if I get into a wreck he can assist. His help is sometimes on the other side of the fence watching. Knowing I am not alone is helping.

    Another one is checking in on one another while we are working at our own tasks. To make sure that we are safe, to make sure that we don’t actually need another set of eyes, hands, ears or feet sort of help.

    The biggest thing in being a helper, and this took me a long time to learn, is knowing when NOT to help. Offer – of course, yes. But sometimes we need to stand back and wait to be asked. That shows confidence, and support and love and mostly respect.

    It may not be ironing his shirts, or getting his suit drycleaned (he doesn’t even own one!) but it could mean getting parts, holding a grease gun or wrench. It could mean taking meals to the fields, or lining up the truck to the auger when unloading grain. It could be just spending time, doing nothing, but letting him unwind and connect using HIS love language.

    The very biggest and most important thing we can do to help our husbands is this: PRAY. Pray FOR them. Pray WITH them. Pray OVER them. And let him know in gentle ways that you believe in him.