Can You Trust Him?

So today’s the day.

We packed up clothes for the week, and a pillow pet hippo, and left around 5:30am.

And we’ve been sitting here in the hospital surgery waiting area for a while. No news yet, but gobs of prayers. 

Meanwhile, back behind those doors over there, a team of experts is inserting a metal bar inside my son’s chest.  They’ll flip it to pop his sternum out of his heart and lungs. And as a result, he’ll stop having chest pain. And he’ll be able to run with his friends. He’ll continue growing. He’ll have fewer health issues later in life.

I confess I didn’t want to go to bed last night.

Because I knew that once I went to bed, I’d go to sleep.


And if I went to sleep, I’d wake up.

And when I woke up, I’d have half an hour before we had to leave for the hospital.

But Bram came in and said, “I want tonight to be as normal as everything ever so I don’t have to think about it.”

And I thought, “That’s a fabulous idea.”

And I knew he needed me to be normal so he could rest. So that’s what I did.

Because when you are a mom, when you are a grown up, sometimes you just do things for others. You don’t think about yourself and how you’d really rather beat the walls, argue with God over the things you can’t change and scream at the top of your lungs to get rid of the stress threatening to well inside you.

But I had to pack.

So I did, and managed to completely freak out my dog, who is way too attached to me. So then it was easy to just be concerned about her.

And like today, I just kept taking every thought captive.

I refuse to cave to fear today.

I confess that is a challenge.

They told us the surgery would be two-three hours and that they’d contact us several times during the surgery, and at least halfway through.

It’s been over two hours and we’ve heard nothing.

And sometimes, my chest tightens and my heart threatens to come right up my throat and I don’t know what, but something.

But I am reminding myself of what is True.

And like yesterday, I choose hope.

I choose hope.

Like right now, this is me choosing it.

And I will focus on what is True.

I trust the Doctor. He’s the best. People fly from all over the world to see him. There’s a handful of surgeons in the world that even do this surgery. And he’s one of the best, right here in our town.

I trust the anesthesiology team. There’s like five people just monitoring and dealing with his sedation.

This is also all of their first surgery after a weekend, so we’ll have fresh OR nurses. And it’s Monday, which is a good day to have surgery. And we’ll have full time staff all week.

We have prayed with our church, our friends, and yesterday, with the elders of the church, which is biblical.

We have prayed with our son this morning.

We have done all that we can do.

And now, it’s all in God’s hands.

Which are amazing, and more than we need.

So now we choose to trust.

This is the God that cares for the smallest of birds, and knows how many hairs are on all of our heads.

I choose to trust Him with this.

Regardless of the outcome.

Because He’s not Santa.

When I am afraid,

I put my trust in you.

4 In God, whose word I praise,

in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 56:3-4 (ESV)

I love that it says, “When.”

I am focused on this today, not able to think about marriage stuff, just clinging to my God and my spouse, and my besties.

Dare you to do likewise today, regardless of what you are dealing with.

He’s faithful.

Love to you,

~Nina

What about you? What are you choosing faith, comfort, joy, and peace for today? What verses comfort you most?

Comments

  1. Monica Barnett says

    Excellent article and thanks so very much for sharing!
    I can certainly relate to your experience here. Although my son is grown up now, my love and concern never lessens. I HAVE to give him to God every day, or forget it! I’d just be a puddle of emotion!
    The most fearful experience came about a year and a half ago. I received word that my son had been in a serious car accident only a block away from his home. He had fallen asleep at a stop sign and accelerated right into a stone wall. His fiancée had called me and was at the medical center. He was in surgery and said she’d call as soon as she heard something. I can still feel the anxiety rising as I relate this.
    I have to explain here that mine & my son’s relationship was still new after being estranged for several years.(Talk about trusting Him there! A whole other story!) Instead of ‘flying’ to the medical center to be at his side, I had to hold back and most definitely trust Him. My son was not alone, his fiancée was with him and was keeping me in the Loop. Of course, nearly non-stop prayer at this point!
    Long story, shortened as best as I can, my son actually called me once he came to from anesthesia! He explained about his surgery, he basically fractured nearly everything on the right side: pelvis, bones in his legs, but had shattered the bones in his right foot. That would require another surgery(God Bless his surgeon!) but he wanted me to know he was stable, in pain(understandable) and he would keep in good touch, he promised. He did follow through with his promise. My son almost said, “Don’t worry Mom”, but he stopped himself. He knows me too well! Well, I praised God that my son survived this car accident and with fixable injuries. He still has some pain in that right foot today and is able to walk. He heals quickly!
    Thank you for listening to my story. I shortened it as best I could. There are several pieces of scripture that I find so very comforting. But I have to say, at those times, like my son’s car accident, initially my mind is in turmoil. Recalling scripture is difficult at best. I will pray for the surgical/health team caring for my son. I usually end up being repetitious, “Thank you Lord, Thank you Jesus!”. But I know The Lord doesn’t mind and I’ll begin to feel His Calm.

  2. says

    Oh man….today I am trusting God to keep getting me through the days. It’s so hard to read your blog right now. On May 18th, I lost my 19 year old son…my only son..my daughter’s only sibling. Prayer has sustained me. God has been so faithful. I am still so lost and heartbroken, but God can get us through is so miraculous. Still, it hurts that my miracle was not my son still being here. I long for home, where my boy is waiting. I am so glad that God has been faithful for you, too. You are a great mom with a great boy and I see the prayers are sustaining you, as well. I wish I could tell you which scripture is most comforting, but honestly, things just flow from my mouth, all on their own, the Spirit helping me when my mind is to distraught to remember on its own. What a gift. I think the words Joy cometh are my two favorite words in the Bible. I’ve been waiting many years for this season of hurt to end and I’m still trusting God that my joy will come. Praying for you and your son.

    • Nina Roesner says

      Lisa, I’m so sorry.
      I can’t even imagine.
      God is faithful for you too, even though it doesn’t feel like it.(but maybe you didn’t mean that, it is so hard to tell in typed text – I just want to wrap my arms around you and cry with you over how much you miss your boy… ) I know that is a hard, uncomforting thing to say right now.
      Can I suggest the book of Psalms to you? I find His promises there keep me moving, keep me remembering His goodness.
      Love to you, beautiful.
      So glad you are here.
      ~Nina

  3. Donita says

    My “get me through the moment” is not so much a scripture as a reality….God already knows theoutcome and knows how He is going to get me through it. I find great peace in knowing God knows so I don’t have to. Hope that makes sense….not denial, just peace.

  4. says

    Praying and have been all week. I know this is tough but God will get you through it. Ask God for Miracle healing. Trust that He will provide it. I had to get that and once I did God showed me the best miracle I could have ever asked for. A miracle of healing right as we were praying! A day I will not forget and pray that you will have one of those days too! Love you girl!!

  5. Amada says

    Praying with you! And believing for total recovery of your son. And mine, too.
    “By His wounds he was healed!” Isa. 53:5
    “And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.” Isa. 54: 13 (peace: shalom {shaw-lome’}; from 7999; safe, i.e. (figuratively) well, happy, friendly; also (abstractly) welfare, i.e. health, prosperity, peace)
    Psalm 91
    Me too, I have to take all the fear thoughts captive at the moment, concerning my children. And I declare: The one in us is greater than the one in the world! In Jesus’ name, Amen. Amen.

  6. Cathy says

    The verses above are all good. I listen to Steven Curtis Chapman’s “I Will Trust You”–http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHkhJxxVKuM Prayers sent for your son, the staff and for you and your family.

  7. says

    ♫When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are Mine. ♫ Can’t find this song anywhere online but Isaiah 43 says it all.

    Today I am trusting God to get me through a week of differences. Praying for His protection as half of my blessings are away from home. Praying for His direction and strength as God is doing BIG things in our home church and our personal calling to ministry. God promises that He is with me, He has proven Himself over and over. *I still walk in fear sometimes* … so thankful for His word to remind me.

  8. says

    Isaiah 43: This is what God says,
    the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
    who carves a path through pounding waves,
    The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
    they lie down and then can’t get up;
    they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
    “Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.
    Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
    There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
    rivers in the badlands.

Got thoughts?