How to Change Your Marriage…

Disappointment threatened to crush my mother’s heart as I listened to the child’s tale of woe. Like shards of glass under bare feet, we pressed hard together into the painful event and shared tears. Helpless to reinvent history, I offered empathy and hugs and my own sorrow for this precious one’s heart ache.

It seemed to help.

Proverbs 25:20 “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”

Climbing under the covers, disappointment and compassion morphed into despair and helplessness. The enemy’s prowling paused with victim found. I know no mother whose heart does not burn with pain, whether physical or emotional, when one of her children hurts, but He Who is in me is greater than the other voice, and He reminded me that He was about His business. Pain and suffering is the Biblical route to growth – and He also reminded me that He loves my children more than I do, more than I can even imagine. And Comfort wrapped His arms around me, Peace filled me, and I whispered, “I trust You, please help me love him well as you grow him.”

And this morning, in the middle of too-many-ministry-projects going on, and mistakes-have-been-made awareness, I wept and begged Him to help me lead our organization. I confessed my ineptness and fear at what I sensed He planned to do, and with gratitude for all He has done, simply offered, Show me Your way – whatever You want me to do, where ever You want us to go, I will go, but show me, please help me be a good leader!”

And I waited.

And I thought of Nehemiah – that’s it! I’ll read Nehemiah… wait, no, that’s not it. Enthusiasm deflated, and a sense of flatness before I even lifted the Book off the table.

And I waited.

Eventually, I picked up Sarah Young’s “Jesus Calling,” and read today’s date. “Stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time,” leaped of the pages at me. The chosen Scriptures for the day, Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,” and John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

And then I opened my Bible. Today is March 29, so I was intent on reading Proverbs 29. I didn’t get there. For some reason, my Bible’s page marker was in Proverbs 25, even though yesterday, I read Proverbs 28, for the date. This is what the heading on Proverbs 25 said:

I nearly fell out of my chair. I started reading. Slowly. The answers to a number of issues we are dealing with in the ministry were right there in the verses.

Why was I surprised?

Because my faith is thin. Dear God, help me in my unbelief, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

As mothers, we are also leaders. Titus women in God’s Army, if you will, doing things differently than the culture, doing things His Way. We are called to make disciples of our children – we all have a ministry there, co-leading with our husbands our own little flock of sheep. And yes, before you get riled up, know I fully believe in submission to my husband, and no, I’m not a doormat in our marriage. More on that here.

Dare you today to believe that if you obey His Word, He will answer your prayers. Dare you to believe He is a Person with Whom you are to worship, yes, but One in Whom deep relationship, guidance, peace, comfort and answers to your questions will flow. He loves you. Dare you to beg Him to make you into someone who gets that so fully, other people notice and want to know what is different about you…and then, I dare you to introduce them to Him.

This is Everything.

Relationship with Him will improve literally every area of your life, including your marriage.

Glad you are here with us today! I love being on the journey with you.

Love to you,


What is Proverbs 28 saying to you today? Dare you to comment and share what Truth He reveals to you today with us, or with someone else!

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5 thoughts on “How to Change Your Marriage…

  1. My heart is also heavy today as I hurt so bad for my son that is struggling with drugs and his relationship with God. I was having such a hard time accepting that there is nothing I can do for him. I can’t push, pull or drag him to God. He says he wants to know God, but continues in all the things he knows his Father doesn’t want him to do. I also read Jesus Calling today, Peacefulwife’s blog and this blog and they all seem to be written just for me today. What I need to do, so I’m trying really hard to let go and let God. I have really been struggling with knowing when to stop trying to teach my boys. They actually are all men chronologically 25, 24, and 22. So when do I stop trying to influence and teach them. I wasn’t a godly mom back when they were in their teens and it really shows now. I would love some advice about this. Sometimes I feel like I’m supposed to say something, but I can’t necessarily trust my feelings. I don’t want to displease God by trying to teach any man, but are my boys included?

    • Trixie –
      They are men, AND they will always be your sons.

      I am so sorry your heart is burdened with this today. I do understand. No one tells us that having children is like wandering around with your heart outside our bodies… sometimes I wonder how one truly becomes selfless without children to care for, they are such intense relationships!

      So the “when do I stop” question actually occurs between ages 10 and 11, when they are making that transition between boy and man – and we switch gears from directing to starting to ask permission to enter their world on a few things, just like we do with the other adults in our lives. By the time they are off our dime, 100% of the communication is “permission” based – while at age 10, perhaps 10% is, if that makes sense. And along the way, we are transparent with what we struggle with – and invite them into those things by asking them to pray. You need to remember Priscilla and Rebecca – while it is probably easier for women to connect with women, you are not a church, so technically, you can disciple others.

      For reasons of emotional safety and a hedge around your marriage, obviously it is unwise for men to disciple women one on one, and vice versa, and depending on how the passage in Timothy is taken in your church, you may not be comfortable being a positive influence in a formal way with other men, like in a class. But these are not other men, these are your sons. So love them well. Answer their questions, and ask permission to speak into their world, instead of giving unsolicited advice – that’s both respectful and productive. I hope that makes sense.

      Love to you, beautiful,

  2. God is giving me courage and pushing me to be bold in my witness and stand for Him and His word. I have been posting His word on my Facebook and claiming it not arguing it. Those who receive it will believe it. Those who do not will still have their hearts pricked and God will take it from there. I am just a tool for the Lord. I shared Proverbs 28:4&5
    Those who forsake instruction
    praise the wicked,
    but those who heed it resist them.
    5 Evildoers do not understand what is right,
    but those who seek the Lord understand it fully.
    I really feel God saying that we need to be more courageous and mighty in sharing Him with others. The world is getting the upper hand and that is not right. The other guy is not going to win this battle. We need to stand strong Titus Women and uphold the truth from the Word of God. We are living in wicked times and we can not let our guard down or be passive in what we know. We are accountable to share what we know about the Lord with others. This is not a time to be compassionate. We need to fight fire with fire. I dare everyone today to ask God what He would have them do today to represent Him and not be ashamed to stand up for His values and His laws that He wants us to live by. Be courageous because when you choose God, He has your back. The outcome can only be triumphant! Serve your purpose today!

  3. Words repeated to me as I read the same 2 things this morning …. and I needed to hear it again. My Mommy heart gets ripped away so often as my babies share (or choose not to share) their own hurts. So often they blame me, blame life circumstances and even blame God. If only my pain could take away their pain – and then I realize they would never grow. Graham Cooke calls our trials a spiritual upgrade … and sometimes I think that this version is okay with me (for myself and for my children) but then I read: Proverbs 29:15 To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. and Proverbs 29:21 A servant [or child] pampered from childhood will become a rebel. And suddenly the upgrade seems necessary.

    God has been showing me the truth of life lessons that were “caught” instead of what I claim to have been “taught”. Proverbs 29:19 Words alone will not discipline a servant; the words may be understood, but they are not heeded. What are my actions teaching my children? Am I distraught when I should be trusting? Philippians 4:6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

    Pointing me to Him – that’s why I love you and love this journey! ~katy

    • KATY. Wow.
      So I didn’t even read the Proverbs 29 verses today… and they totally tie in. Thank you for sharing this today!!!
      Love that you are on the journey, too! 🙂

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