Multiple times a day, my heart begins to pound and my eyes fill with tears as the hot flames of fear lick around the edges of my mother’s heart.
One of our sons will be having surgery this year.
We have already “been there and done that” with his older brother – with the same surgery. If you are interested, I blogged about that experience here.
And sometime this year, I’ll have two sons with metal bars implanted in their chests, inserted and flipped to harshly, but immediately, pull their sternums out of their hearts.
Tuesday, when I walked down the hall at the hospital, leaving my son in the MRI that would determine whether or not he would have the surgery, the tears welled and I felt dread.
I walked down that hall once before, three years ago, not knowing the horror and blessing of the outcome. The feeling gripped me and my chest felt tight, my throat caught and lumpy and I wondered, “What IS this?”
And I realized I was afraid.
Afraid of things I’m not going to breathe life into by saying them here.
And so I prayed. And as I prayed, I had a knowing, a sense of more. That this time, I would not be focused on comfort and peace, but rather peace and joy. JOY?
“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say: ‘Rejoice!’” says Paul in Philippians 4:8.
“I don’t know how,” I cried. “Teach me, please,” I begged.
And He is.
He has started by teaching me (again ) to take every single thought captive, and make it succumb to His Word. He has told me this morning to “do what is right” regardless – in other words, be about His business, and let Him handle these things.
I know the fear and dread will destroy my health and my relationships if I let it. So today, I am doing the same thing I did yesterday, which is praying literally about a hundred times a day, “Show me Your joy in this – teach me how to have joy right now.”
And this morning, He reminded me that He is in control. He reminded me of the many blessings in our lives. He reminded me of His sovereignty. He reminded me that my worry adds NOTHING to my life.
Luke 12:25-26 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
And Philippians 4:8-13 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
I know God has allowed these circumstances.
I know He wants me to learn to be about His business (practice these things Phil 4:9) regardless of my circumstances. And in doing so, I believe I will be a better mother and a more godly woman. It might even impact my marriage.
I would not have picked this.
But I am learning.
Dare you to do likewise today. Dare you to subscribe to what we’re doing here on the blog – the journey is better together! And frankly, I’m seriously interested in being with gobs of people on this journey… Double dog dare you to comment on what He’s teaching you today…
Oh, so very very thankful you are here.
Love to you,