Because people just don’t know what other option is available, often the answer is yes… but what if there is another way? What if that “gentle and quiet spirit” spoken about in 1 Peter 3:1-6 just means you have emotional control and aren’t screaming?
I literally believe this is one of the most important and loving things we can learn – how to communicate when we disagree. To not say anything is to be a doormat and is often disrespectful to the Temple of the Holy Spirit and the oneness intended for marriage. To “fight for your rights” by shoving your opinion down someone else’s throat or being critical of others and thus, judgmental in your communication is also sinful – even Christ did not come to judge.
There is another way… words that contain the KEY for changing the outcome of a discussion… and by the way, I spent 15 years in mainstream corporate America coaching executives on using this method – it’s something those highly regarded have as a foundational communication tool.
Some of the most powerful words in any language, regardless of whether you are dealing with a husband, teenager, mother, or boss are simply these…
“I might be wrong about this, but it is my perception that…”
These words are powerful and loving at the same time because they:
- Allow another to “save face”
- Humbly presents your point of view
- Avoid stating, “you are wrong,” which almost always causes defensiveness
- Focuses on OUR perception instead of assuming facts that may be inaccurate
- Avoids being prescriptive about “what YOU did…”
- Allows disagreement and discussion in a civilized way
- Allows for US to actually be wrong, which we sometimes are…
Dare you to try this in your conversations today when you think you disagree or have an opinion that is different than someone else’s, then work on it again tomorrow, and keep doing so until it is a habit. Watch the level of tension diminish.
Then teach it to your kids, and watch them get along better, too.
And yes, Proverbs 10:19 “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise,” is still true – we don’t need to 1) have an opinion about EVERYTHING and certainly 2) don’t need to SHARE all of them!! That’s pride… but dare you to give up PRIDE this day – stop having to be right about everything. Open yourself to the possibilities that God has a plan and you might not know what it is, and maybe, with the help of someone else, He will reveal Himself.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 NASB
So glad you are on the journey! 🙂
What about you? Do you have to be right? Or have you given this up? What is strangled in your relationships because of your refusal to unwind your fingers from this one? What has been unleashed when you’ve let go of it? Double dog dare you to be a Titus 2 woman today and share! 🙂
Love to you,