This is a continuation, so start with yesterday’s story if you missed it. (The comment section has info you won’t want to miss… like why he wants intimacy when the relationship is struggling… and I’m sorry for the disconnection this week with the posts and email – battling flu. Seems to affect my brain. )
“Do you feel disrespected or unloved by me?” she asked.
“No, not at all, you are great!” he replied.
She was calm and gentle when she began speaking. She sensed she walked within His will, each step ordained.
“Oh, good. You are important enough to me to continue making that effort – and it sounds like I’m doing okay at it. I need you to know that I’ve been patient. And I have asked you for what I need from you, and you made some effort for a little while, and I gently reminded you a few times, but I need to let you know that it feels demeaning to me to have to continue to ask you for affection. I feel like if I have to ask you to do it, you don’t really want to, or I’m not worth enough to you to put in that small continued effort daily. I am starving for affection, and I need human contact from people who don’t want something from me at that moment, and from people who build me up just because they love me. I feel you are not loving me the way God wants you to, and it breaks my heart. I want us to have a great marriage, but I feel like a part of me is dying inside. I am going to start having an evening with my friends once a week in an effort to get some love in my life from somewhere. I am also going to find time to engage in a hobby I love that brings me joy. You’ll have to figure out dinner for yourself and the kids on the nights that I’m gone,” she stated, tears in her eyes.
He simply looked at her.
A long empty silence hung between them.
A chasm of quiet separated their two hearts.
“Are you saying you are going to have an affair?” he asked slowly.
She looked at him, and her heart felt the stab of recognition that he knew her so poorly. She took a moment to pray, and His peace and compassion filled her again. He’s afraid. Somehow she knew he was afraid of losing her and was reacting from that. She was tempted to manipulate him with this knowledge, but she prayed again.
His Great Love won out, filling her.
“I’m not seeking to have an affair,” she began. “But you should know that many marriage experts say I’m at risk for another man’s affections to steal my heart right now. My girlfriends love me well. I need affection from you, and because I don’t see sustained effort towards me, and because I have been clear about what I want, I can only assume that you do not want to give this to me. I still need love in my life, so I’m going to figure out how to get my needs met without you. I also think that we will need to meet with our pastor and a counselor so you can work through whatever is keeping you from loving me well. I haven’t asked for anything difficult or complicated. They are small things that couples who love do for one another. I don’t know if you are aware of this or not, but your lack of loving behavior towards me is sin, and it breaks my heart that you are stuck there. I will continue to pray for you, but you need to be aware that I want to model a healthy and good marriage for our kids, so you will have to take some action yourself and sustain it, or…”
“Stop,” she sensed. She did.
He put some more effort into loving her well for a few more weeks again. He kissed her before he left in the morning. He hugged her when he saw her at the end of the day. He told her she looked pretty a few times. He seemed awkward, but trying. One morning, God revealed to her that her husband simply did not have deep enough relationship with Him to love her well. It was more than her husband didn’t know how…he simply didn’t have the Spirit within him to do it.
What happens now? Have you seen this play out?
Dare you to read Matthew 18 again today. Double dog dare you to share the learnings you see (or have experienced by living this situation yourself) by commenting here today – you’ll be a Titus leader (one that instructs and coaches the younger and learning generation) and you will add breadth to the dialogue.
We’ll have more Thursday.
Know you are personally invited by me to take the journey with us by signing up in the “follow” or the “subscribe” box – know we never share your email with anyone for any reason. And we only send out about 3 blog posts a week. Sometimes 4 if He leads that way. And sometimes, like over the Christmas holiday, we just rest. And you can unsubscribe any time you want with no hard feelings. Promise.
At any rate, we are simply glad you are here.
Oh, and if you haven’t done The RESPECT Dare e-course with us, enrollment is now open through January 25th. There’s more information about it here.
Can’t wait to see you there or here or both!!
Love to you,