Driving to pick one of my kids up today, I heard the radio announcer say something that hit me so hard I nearly drove off the road.
I don’t remember his exact words now, but the jest of his message was this: God loves us the way the painter loves his painting, because like the artist, He created something beautiful.
I started thinking about what He was creating through me in our ministry, and wondered if I loved it.
And I realized that I do, I absolutely, passionately, with every fiber of my being LOVE the classes, workshops, retreats, the writing, the blogging, the book, I just stinkin’ LOVE IT. I absolutely LOVE training. Whether it’s people, dogs, or horses, I just love it. And I remembered that He made me this way, to create, just like He creates.
Okay, yeah, so He creates perfection and a whole lot more than I would ever even imagine. But He also wired me to create in a few areas. And I’ll bet He wired you to create something too…
In the car, I asked my son (he creates music) if he loved his songs. If he loved creating them. If the work to get the album finished was worth it. He looked at me like only a 16 year old can (like I was completely nuts for even asking) and simply said, “Of course. It’s everything.” And I remembered him telling me one time that when he led worship, that was when he felt most connected to God, that it was just him, his guitar, and Jesus, worshiping in the Spirit…
So as I’m struggling to climb my way out of this hole I am in… I’m paying attention to the details and the small clues. This creation thing is a piece of it. I know God created, through me, these things that change others’ lives – yesterday’s kind words from so many of you reminded me of that… and today, I learned that I DO LOVE (passionately, deeply, enthusiastically LOVE – and I didn’t know this til today!!) the classes, book, workshops, etc., the experiences and the outcomes… and the creating. I LOVE writing the materials, facilitating the workshops, speaking… all of it. I just love it.
And I remembered that He made me this way.
And I had a pinprick of comprehension of how greatly He must love His creations – us. This was a little different than the recognition of His love that I’ve had in the past.
I thought of a friend of mine, whose prodigal daughter brings her tons of grief, but she deeply loves the girl, and I remembered that He loves us even when we sin.
I thought of the deep love I have for my own kids, and I remembered how much He loves me just because I’m his kid.
So I’ve printed off the reviews, and tomorrow, I’m going to do something with them. They’re dramatically worse than any we’ve ever received before, and a good portion of the comments are mean-spirited because of a dynamic we didn’t know existed until it was too late, but for some strange reason, I’m looking forward to reading them again.
I know, right?
Must be the Spirit.
And I want to thank you. Yesterday’s post was really hard for me. I’ve been told at least 5 times by people with tons more ministry experience in their little fingers than I have in my whole body, that you can’t be transparent when it is hard. That you’ll be a discouragement to others. That if it’s so hard, then maybe I’ve misunderstood my calling… so I have had a tough time writing the last few months, because I’ve been confused and then afraid, of being where I’m really at with you. Afraid of admitting that I’m struggling.
And I realized that fear was rooted in lies.
And there were other lies that I believed along the way, but that’s for tomorrow’s blog. I can’t wait to write it! Amazing. Praise God. I’ve missed looking forward to this.
Yesterday, I learned that transparency is still what He wants from me, and that sometimes, when you take a big personal risk and obey, sometimes those that know Him come around you to minister and be His Great Love. Yesterday blessed me so much… Your words, prayers, and cyber hugs (and real ones from a few local friends) were like water to a parched soul. I’m not as dry and empty as I have been.
So I want to thank you for that. THANK YOU.
And thank you for being on the journey with me. I don’t feel so alone. I feel encouraged.
And I feel something else… I’m wondering. I’m wondering what He created YOU to create. Dare you to share it here. And do you love it?
Love to you,