Easier said than done, right?
But if in ten years, you are just going to be ten years older anyway, why not spend your time wisely?
And while I don’t know if this would have prevented Tom Cruise’s recent divorce, I have seen Christian wives turn their marriages around by taking these steps. At the very least, they’ve grown closer to God Himself.
And you might be smarter than me… or have a really relationship-oriented guy that is into this stuff and makes it easier… but as several people asked me for the “steps they should take” to learn respect, this is what came out:
1. Be silent (to hear God, not because you are “less than”).
2. Listen and obey while learning to respect husband according to Ephesians 5:33. (read everything you can get your hands on while doing this, including Proverbs, the book of James, “For Women Only,” and “The Respect Dare.”
3. Expect to make mistakes.
4. Persevere. Apologize when necessary.
5. Check in with Husband, to 1) see if you are making progress, and 2) help him see changes.
6. Expect to make mistakes.
7. Persevere. Apologize when necessary.
8. Check in with Husband, to 1) see if you are making progress, and 2) help him see changes. If he is seeing progress, and you are consistent, move to step 9. Otherwise, repeat, starting with step 1.
9. ASK God how to ask your husband to speak your love language.
10. Listen. Obey. Even if the answer is “wait.”
11. Don’t demand or be angry when not feeling loved. Be transparent about how you feel, without accusing. Don’t be afraid to cry. Take risks in being vulnerable. Be fine with being calm, too. Whatever you do, don’t pitch a fit or emotionally vomit. He can’t hear anything when we do that and it makes him defensive.
12. Reward him when he gets it right, even if it is a SMALL step in the right direction. Be safe for him to TRY…and he’ll keep at it. Make it scary and he’ll quit.
13. Keep respecting and checking in…
14. Keep rewarding and gently ASK for what you want.
16. Be patient. This might take more than a decade.
Dare you not to give up today. Double dog dare you to take that same dare tomorrow, too.
Love to you! Happy to be on the journey with you.