Hold Me Together…

“You’ve had a miscarriage? Seriously? Speaking the truth in love here, you didn’t pray for that baby – and you’re not praying for the one you’re carrying now if you need anti-depressant medication. You just don’t trust God enough.”

Ten years ago, judgment showed up in the unsolicited phone call from a caring friend, who loved me, but had bad advice. I’ll call her, “Doris.”

I was due in a month with my third child. “Doris” called to invite me to a healing service at her church. In discussion the day before, I’d shared with her that I was starting the meds this time before delivery, so I didn’t have the horrifying hormonal crash that nearly ruined our lives with the first two births.

She thought she knew my circumstances.
She thought, because I’d struggled with post-partum depression with the first two children (and the miscarriage she found out about), that my faith “just wasn’t strong enough.” And that I didn’t know the Scripture about “faith of a mustard seed,” moving mountains…

“Doris” made sure she let me know how she had prayed for all of her children before they were born, and Satan hadn’t gotten his hands on any of them. She let me know how she prayed for her current pregnancy, and told me that I needed to do the same. She said that miscarriage was always a reflection of the level of faith of the mother.

What she didn’t know was that I’d already wrestled with God through those 3 periods of PPD. And that my experienced of Him wasn’t that He was Santa. I let her give me the lectures about God, prayer, my lack of faith. Then I thanked her for caring for me enough to call, and then said, “I just want you to know, in my experience, God doesn’t always say, ‘Yes.’ He’s not Santa, and sometimes, I operate outside His will, so He will say, ‘No,’ or ‘Wait,’ to me. And I trust that. There’s nothing in the Bible that directly equates my level of faith with miscarriage, either. So while I appreciate the invitation, my husband and I have done all the things you assumed we have not. We have prayed for healing from PPD. We sought prayer from others. We have prayed for these babies, even the one we lost, from conception. And He’s still allowed me to have PPD, and so I’m doing the next best thing, taking a med that keeps everyone at our house safe, and is safe for the baby these last few weeks.”

“Well, don’t be surprised if you go to hell over this. You should even doubt your faith in Jesus Christ – you probably aren’t even saved,” she said. “This is pearls before swine,” then she hung up on me.

The next day, I received a phone call from a mutual friend of ours letting me know “Doris” had suffered a miscarriage and lost her baby.

I couldn’t believe it.

I wept for her, and for the baby, and her husband and the siblings.

And then I remembered, God is God. Always has been and always will be. And He showed me that same judgment I experienced at her hand shows up in my mouth and my heart, too.

Sometimes I give well-meaning but unsolicited advice… inviting myself into someone else’s (my spouse, my teen, my mother, and yes, even a friend) relationship with God, attempting to be their Holy Spirit.

And I think that job’s already been taken…

“There is no one righteous, not even one.” Romans 3:10

Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

So today’s dares are thus:

No judgment.

And no, “I told you so’s.”

Just grace and compassion.

Double dog dare you to subscribe or share – and know I’m just so thankful to be on this journey with you!


titus 2 women leadership

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7 thoughts on “Hold Me Together…

  1. This was so powerful and convicting. I need work in this area -I need to avoid passing judgement (even though I don’t say these things aloud.)

  2. ouch …reminds me of Job5-6 (with friends like this who needs enemies…)I admire the self control and respectful response in a very uncomfortable confrontation. Loving stewardship of the Holy spirit’s temple is a good thing and may include medication at times(wine was recommended for Timothy’s tummy problems 1 Timothy 5:23 ; for the sick prayer and oil (equivalent to medicine) James 5:14). I am really content and thankful with God on HIS throne. His mercy is always tender. His mercies are new every morning. Being in agreement and thankful for His sovereignty is another area I’m growing in. Lord Jesus, grow me up in grace and compassion!

  3. It is sad and horrible that she lost her child. It is also sad and horrible that she called you and said those horrible things to you. I am not a Christian. I follow a different faith. Our beliefs are very close but they are labeled differently and the names of deity are different. To me it seems like she was being taught a lesson that she should judge not lest she be judged. She passed judgement saying what you did not do right and what you were doing was wrong and how horrible she was in her damnation of you and your family. Then she, who had done this thing to you and been judgmental and hateful to you suffered that same loss. Teaching her that even though you pray and you have faith bad things can happen to good people.

    I am very sorry that you have had to go through this. I am sorry that she has had to go through this. I am sorry that we have this in common. I have 9 angel babies and cannot have anymore.

    Love and light and healing to you and to her,

    Lucky Star

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