Sometimes the only exercise we get is jumping to conclusions.
But when we land, we will frequently land on our spouse’s heart – because all too often, conclusions are wrong.
And the Bible is pretty clear about how we are to engage in conflict.
Matthew 7:15 tells us not to judge, yet we do anyway, assuming the worst from the person we’re in conflict with. Time and time again, I keep seeing each person in a conflict make an assumption that is wrong – then react to that assumption. And then the cycle starts – and it’s ALL based on lies. True, some conflicts are grounded in true differences of opinion. But, even within those, we judge and make conclusions and then end up in the midst of something painful, sometimes damaging a relationship. Two common misconceptions are pervasive: 1) I feel bad, therefore someone other than me is responsible for how I feel, and 2) I know what you are thinking when you say that thing that hurt me. I have yet to see a conflict situation where someone practices “reflective listening” go badly.
We have to start looking at “defensiveness” as a “cue” to seek Truth.
Instead of a reason to argue and defend ourselves.
So ask a question. Reflect back to your husband what you think he is saying. When we do this (see yesterday’s post http://ninaroesner.wordpress.com/2011/05/10/how-to-calm-down-an-angry-husband/), we diffuse the emotion. We act like grown ups. We resolve conflicts well.
And we honor God.
And our marriages then represent Christ and His church.
We are looking for an army of women who are interested in becoming “relationship architects” by answering the call of becoming godly wives.
Are you in?